My friend and I are going on a two-week trip in a few months together. However, she doesn’t want to do ANY of the planning! I’m happy to do all the planning, but I’m worried that she’ll come after me if something is too expensive, not as fun as we had hoped, or simply doesn’t work out.

How can I get her to get involved so I’m not left doing all the work, but also, so she can’t complain and blame me for anything?

Hands Off

This is your friend’s way of not taking responsibility. She has learned that by being uninvolved in the planning process, nothing can be her “fault” if it goes sideways. She was either burned once before or watched this happen to someone else.

If she absolutely refuses to sit down with you (which would be a shame as planning a trip is half the fun) then this is what you need to do: find two of everything that appeal to you, as in, two activities, two hotels, two restaurants, and then give her the final choice. You’ll be satisfied with either and she can’t then complain as she made the final decision. And, once her choices have been made, get her to initial a simple itinerary with hotels, restaurants and activities all mentioned.

Ys, it’s more work for you but it ensures you’re doing what you want to do, with her stamp of approval – and proof.

If this trip doesn’t turn out to be totally awesome, I suggest finding someone else to travel with in the future. It’s not worth the hassle.

My best friend is getting married in the spring and I’m the maid of honour. To start off these months of festivities, I invited only her close circle of women to a special event. It’s a brunch that they think is to celebrate her, but it’s actually a fun fashion show for them to choose their dresses for the big day, as the women invited are her sisters, her sister-in-law, her mom, his mom, three of her other best friends, her two cousins, an aunt and her toddler goddaughter. And all these women are in the bridal party.

I sent out an invitation a month ago and followed up with those who hadn’t RSVP’d a week later. The event is now one week away, and I’ve reached out to the only person who hasn’t replied, one of her two sisters. I managed to get a text response to my email saying she doesn’t check her emails (strange since she was replying to one), but that she’d investigate. I called the other sister to find out what the story is, and she replied immediately saying to count the non-responsive sister in. That seems expensive if she’s not going to show up.

What do I do?

No Response

This isn’t the first time I’m seeing a question like this, which gives me pause. I know that teenagers mostly use Snapchat to communicate with each other. I know that large groups and people in other countries mainly use WhatsApp. I know that for social reasons, I mainly use text. But for ANYTHING work-related, school-related, any doctors’ appointments, I’m always on email.

So, I asked around. The octogenarians I know all use email for communication and information. The 50-somethings all use email for work and anything important. University students use email for school, any extracurricular programs and to communicate with people outside of their social circle, such as extended family not on text. So not checking her emails doesn’t clock.

In this case, I believe the sister is either uninterested or noncommittal, and if the other sister said to count her in, then do so. Not your family; not your problem. Just be the best maid of honour you can be.

FEEDBACK Regarding the agonizing aunt (July 10):

Reader – “When this woman heard the horror story about the young man dying after smoking a joint laced with fentanyl at a western university, she panicked. Why? This could happen at any university or college. The woman who told the story should have kept her mouth closed and the mother should have realized that it doesn't only happen in the west and taken the opportunity to have a discussion with her daughter about risky behaviour. My son went to a western university and received an excellent education.”

FEEDBACK Regarding cocaine and billiards (July 13):

Reader – “It’s more important to take care of yourself by letting them go, for sure.  Not necessarily selfish. There will be no one to help them when they hit rock bottom and ask for help, and you are ruined financially, mentally and emotionally.  Lots of us have been there.”