I have a work colleague with whom I have become good friends. We have the same thoughts on everything, from parenting to ice cream, same taste in TV shows and books, and same ideas on what looks good – and what doesn’t! – on our fellow officemates. And it’s not just that our tastes are the same, it’s our value system as well, especially when it comes to our children. We are just so simpatico!

Recently, however, she said something about supporting a political candidate that I vehemently oppose – and I just can’t get this bad taste out of my mouth. Now I can’t even look at her without thinking how incredibly different we are.

I’m trying to pull away as quickly as possible without her noticing. I’m constantly making excuses to get out of potential plans. I just don’t know what else to do but I just can’t reconcile these two people, as in, the one I thought was just like me and this other believer.

Opposites

Isn’t it strange how you can be so similar and yet, so entirely different…. when it comes to politics, people’s views can be so polar that even close family members become estranged. I’m not surprised that this one issue has caused you to flee in the opposite direction.

You are doing the right thing, for you, by pulling away. The last thing you want is to get into a heated debate with this person over your opposing viewpoints. And I understand why you can’t see past it and why you want to end the friendship. But I can also see why you don’t want to make a scene about it.

However, is your friendship really that disposable? Can’t you share core values while disagreeing on politics? Wouldn’t it be the more mature thing to do to explain to her why you’ve been pulling away, and to perhaps try to rework your friendship and professional partnership so that you avoid all things politics? I understand this might not work, or be sustainable long term, but I think your friendship is worth giving it a try.

My daughter is turning 15 and is desperate for a quinceanera party. She and her Abuela have talked about it ever since she was a very little girl. The problem is that we don’t have the kind of money necessary to throw a party like that for her in this country.

For starters, we don’t have a space that can hold that many people. At home, where I was born, it’s always warm enough to host people outdoors. But not here. And my daughter’s birthday is late November. Also, back home, everyone in the family pitches in and cooks masses and masses of food. We don’t have family here to help and there’s just no way I can cook for so many people. Plus, all that food is expensive. At home, people grow a lot of their food, including the beef or chicken.

I feel so sad to have to disappoint my daughter, especially since my mother-in-law has become quite ill and may not be with us much longer. What do you suggest?

Not Possible

Is it possible to postpone her celebration until the summer? If so, you could then invite everyone to the park, or if someone you know has a big backyard. That would solve the venue issue. As for the food, you could ask your friends and neighbours to help you cook, and you could start batch cooking a month in advance and freeze everything. You could wait until there are sales and buy in bulk from Costco or a similar grocery outlet.

If you’re worried about the health of your daughter’s grandmother, you could do a special, private intimate family dinner on your daughter’s birthday to ensure your mother-in-law attends. And hopefully she’ll be able to participate in the big event when the weather turns warmer.

I understand that not everything is the same there as it is here, but we must figure out solutions to adapt to new surroundings and circumstances. Feliz Cumpleanos!

FEEDBACK Regarding boats on a small bay (July 14):

Reader – “If the homeowner is in Ontario, there actually IS a legal no-wake zone around lakes. Standard Ontario Boating Rules dictate that 30 metres from shore the speed is max 10 km/h.”

Reader #2 – “Whether an area is a ‘No Wake Zone’ or not, any damage caused by the wake of your vessel is your responsibility.”

FEEDBACK Regarding Mother’s Day disagreement (July 15):

Reader – “I enjoy your column but didn’t agree with your advice to the husband whose mother ghosted him. I think that his mother is selfish, childish and behaving like a spoiled teenager. I don’t think she should be rewarded with flowers or cookies for her childish behaviour.

“While I believe the family should try and solve their differences as adults and make amends, this can be difficult but likely rewarding in the long run. I do agree with your suggestion on having the entire family get together.”