Are humans inherently unhappy? Or is it simply an age-related thing? It seems that nearly every person I know is going through something unpleasant right now, rendering them less than perfectly happy. Literally, NO ONE I know is happy right now!
One friend of mine is having problems with his teenage daughter. She’s skipping curfew, getting tattoos and piercings and failing out of school. One friend of mine is worried about her mom who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Another friend’s brother just died by suicide. And another friend’s partner was just let go after 12 years with his company.
Is it me? Or simply a sign of the times?
Unhappiness
That is a lot of unhappiness associated with the people in your life. Obviously, this isn’t about you. You have no control over other people’s physical and/or mental health, nor do you have any control over other people’s employment status. However, since you haven’t mentioned your own unhappiness, perhaps your needed right now to help all your friends who are suffering. It’s very hard to be compassionate towards others when you’re deeply suffering yourself. So maybe your “job” right now is to take care of all your friends who need support.
Perhaps you could help your friend find a therapist who specializes in teens who are “acting out.” Perhaps you could offer to either sit with your friend’s mom during her chemo sessions, or, if you’re not that close, take on whatever responsibilities your friend needs to push aside while she sits with her mom. From picking up her kids after school to taking the dog for a walk.
Maybe you could help your friend make funeral arrangements for their brother or make the necessary phone calls, to inform people of his loss.
These are just suggestions, but if they help, that’s where you could make a difference. And to answer your first question, no, I don’t think humans are inherently unhappy, but I do think that life is hard and most of us don’t go through it unscathed.
My best friend and I had all our children almost at the same time. The first are three weeks apart; the seconds are two months apart; and my twins and her third are four days apart. Fortunately for us, our husbands get along great, as do most of the children. My daughter is my middle and she’s very timid and shy, while her son is her middle and he’s a real bruiser, big and sporty and rough, but sweet.
My issue is with her youngest who is loud, rude and just uncomfortable to be around. He’s the kind of kid who is always breaking something or spilling something or interrupting. He’s intelligent and doesn’t have any neurodiversity issues. There’s simply no excuse for his behaviour.
And my friend has all but given up on reprimanding him. How do I handle it when we’re all together, both families? That’s a lot of kids to manage especially when one is being unruly.
Seven
I agree that seven kids is a lot at one time, and I get the impression they’re young, so when your families are together, it’s a big gang. From your longer explanation, I see why you stay close to your timid daughter during these seemingly wild get-togethers. And I understand why your husband needs to be on the twins - all hands on deck!
I suggest you try not to be all together right now, as it’s too much for everyone. In theory, it sounds like a great idea, but each time, you’re left wondering why you said yes. And when you get a quiet moment, ask your friend how she’s doing, and ask specifically about each child. Maybe she’ll open up.
FEEDBACK Regarding the daughter who tags along (July 16):
Reader – “Firstly, I'm surprised the girl doesn't have a job or isn’t going to school, but she may not. If the daughter just sits there and doesn't participate (as the writer claimed) the answer may be as simple as ‘she has no friends.’ Next time (if there is one) try to engage her in conversation. I've had this happen to me too and the daughter is over 30.”
BTDT (Been there done that)
FEEDBACK Regarding diabetes diagnosis (July 16):
Reader – “I think you missed what I believe is the real central point. The problem is not the availability of health services. The problem is the camp’s insurance coverage. The camp cannot operate without insurance coverage. Therefore, the question is, does the policy cover children with serious chronic health condition. Without that coverage the camp cannot accept this child.”
Retired Lawyer