My brother came out years ago as gay. And he embraces his identity with fervour. I’m not that progressive in my verbiage, but he wears his facial hair like a man, with a messy growth of moustache and beard; all while donning women’s tight tank tops and lacy blouses. He is either wearing loose, baggy jeans that are unisex in my view, or very short shorts that are well known as Daisy Dukes.
I love my brother and we are good friends. He has been travelling for the past year, and I miss him a lot. I worry about him when he is away because the world we live in is a crazy place. In some ways, we embrace everyone and everything; and yet, in other ways, everyone hates everyone.
I’m not sure my brother is savvy enough to know when to wear his identity loud and proud – and when to stay quiet and unassuming, for his own safety. How do I handle my worry and anxiety, especially when he is so far away?
Stressed Out Sis
It is totally understandable for you to worry (and care) about your brother, especially since you say you are so close. And you are not wrong to say that the world is a beautiful but not entirely safe place.
You haven’t said how old your brother is, but since he’s travelling for a year, I’m going to assume that at the very least, he’s 18, which is still very young. My best advice is to stay in close contact with him. Know where he’s going, have him turn his location services on – not to spy or control, but for safety reasons.
If you hear he’s going to be somewhere where you feel his safety is a concern, talk to him. But make sure you are clear that this is NOT about his identity or how you feel about him or how he wishes to live his life, but rather about how the world sees him and how some people may react.
My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for just over a year. They’re young, but they seem to really care for each other. Unfortunately, they are both somewhat immature and they fight often. Once a month this summer, since June, my daughter has asked to be whisked away to our family farm to escape the drama of her relationship. I try to talk to her and find out what’s going on, but she’s fairly private.
This last episode had her crying in her room for the entire weekend. I couldn’t seem to get anywhere with her, so I asked her cousin to try. Turns out her boyfriend cheated on her but doesn’t want to break up. Of course, I’m furious and want her to break up with him. I can’t understand why she would accept that behaviour.
When I tried to discuss it with my niece, she shut me down because apparently, he’s just getting back at my daughter for cheating on him! How do I teach these children that this is NOT a healthy relationship?
Gobsmacked
Oh no. This is not good. You’re right – this is NOT a healthy relationship in any way. And if this is how they think relationships run, they’re not going to have successful adult relationships. This needs to be nipped in the bud.
You must talk to your daughter. Tell her you know what happened and why. Don’t let her switch focus on to the cousin who exposed her truths. That’s not the issue here. Tell her that what she and her boyfriend are doing is unhealthy and will only hurt themselves. Offer to send them to therapy. They need help.
FEEDBACK Regarding lost Jelly Cat (June 16):
Reader – “I’d ask the dentist’s office if they have a security camera that covers the waiting area, and if you could see the footage from your arrival to the discovery of the toy in the other girl’s possession. If the girl indeed took the toy, then take it from there. It’s your call as to how far you want to take it. If the dentist’s office is on your side, they could contact the other girl’s dad and tell him that the footage shows that they took the toy and could they please return it because it belonged to another girl who’s now distressed because she’d lost her beloved toy. Surely any parent with some empathy and dignity would return it. We’ve all had a soft toy that we bonded with as a child and hopefully the other parent would teach their daughter to do the right thing.”