Years ago, while attending university in another country, I befriended a woman. We were good friends, but after graduation, we went our separate ways. Neither of us had mobile phones back then.
We wrote letters to each other for a few years and then switched to email. But we lost touch when she moved to Africa to work for an NGO. After many years, she was all but a memory to me.
Recently, however, I heard her name in conversation. I couldn’t believe it and Googled her. Turns out she was mauled by a rhinoceros who thought she was bringing harm to the rhinoceros’ baby. She wasn’t and was instead trying to help the rhino baby become untangled from some vines. The rhino charged and knocked my old friend off her feet with such force, that when she landed, she broke her back and is confined to a wheelchair.
I decided to reach out and messaged her through her Instagram account. She didn’t respond. I did some more digging and found an email address. She still didn’t respond. I tried a few more times but still, no response.
How can I get in touch with this person?
Request to Reunite
Your request may be denied. Your old friend may not want to reunite with you, for a variety of reasons, none of which I could even make up. I know nothing about her or her life other than what you’ve told me.
She may not check her Instagram messages; you may have the incorrect email address; who knows? Sometimes people don’t want to be found; sometimes they don’t want to go back in time; sometimes their memories of the past aren’t as happy as yours. Again, who knows?
Let it go, for now. Try again in a month or two or six. But don’t lose sleep over it.
A friend reached out recently to go for a walk and discuss something private. I had no idea what she was going to say, but, intrigued, I agreed to go. We hadn’t spoken in a few months, but for no reason, as far as I knew. We’re just both busy people.
I’m a paralegal and she’s in med school. She recently got engaged and I live with my partner. So, we’re both busy, but care for each other and try to get together when possible.
We met and started talking about everything under the sun. We were laughing and enjoying each other’s company, when she suddenly said, “I can’t go through with this wedding. I don’t know who to turn to. You’re the only one.” Surprised, I asked her why me, and to my shock, she replied, “I’ve always been secretly in love with you.”
I was shocked! I had no idea! I always thought she was heterosexual, especially since her fiancé is a man. I’ve been gay forever but never had those feelings towards her. I thought our friendship was mutual. I stumbled on my words and was miraculously saved by a call from my mother.
But now what?
Shocked
Do not leave this poor woman hanging! She opened up to you, shared a deep secret and showed her vulnerability. You must reach out to her and speak with her openly. She needs to push pause on her wedding and talk to a professional.
She may be experiencing cold feet and looking for an out; she may have truly had feelings for you but never felt safe to act on them; she may just be freaking out. Be kind, be helpful, be supportive, be a friend. Do NOT ghost this person!
FEEDBACK Regarding the unkind kindness (March 7):
Reader – “If she thinks her boyfriend’s mother won’t have to deal with a dirty towel because it’s been shoved under the bed, she must be very young. Perhaps one should learn how to be a guest in someone else’s home before having sex in that home.
“And I don’t think the boyfriend’s parents are the least bit ‘cool.’ Providing a place for young teens to engage in sexual activity used to be a criminal offence falling under ‘contributing to the delinquency of a minor.’ But while this girl may not be a minor and allowing the activity might no longer be a crime, there is always the possibility of a civil lawsuit by her parents — or even by her. Especially if she gets pregnant or contracts an STD. The issue is not much different from providing alcohol to 17-year-olds without informing parents you are doing so. Not cool, not smart.”