I’ve recently moved in with a woman I’ve been dating for the better part of two years. We have five children between us, and they are all in high school. We both sold our smaller homes and purchased a larger home that has room for everyone.

The house needed work and each kid was given (almost) carte blanche to decorate their room as they wished. Whatever we could incorporate into the larger expense, we paid for; but whatever they could do themselves, we got them to pitch in. My girlfriend has two boys and a girl, and I have one of each. My daughter is very creative and artsy, and she went to town on a beautiful mural in her room. Her daughter is more athletic and was completely uninterested in pitching in. She just wanted her room painted.

We asked her if my son could paint her room for her, which she agreed to, and she agreed on the colour. For some reason, the finished product doesn’t look like the swatch she chose. My daughter agreed to do some cool graffiti-type free-flow drawing for her, but she’s now having a tantrum that her whole room needs to be repainted.

I would understand if she was a young child, but she’s in her last year of high school and heading to university in another city in just a few months. I want to tell her to suck it up, but my girlfriend wants to indulge her.

How do we compromise?

Blended Family

You and your girlfriend’s reactions are normal, and not the least bit surprising. She is worried about her daughter’s mental well-being and you’re thinking she needs to just get over it. Time for a compromise.

Discuss with your girlfriend the various options: for example, her daughter lives with her room as is until the house is complete. Then, if there’s budget left over, you’ll redo her room to her liking. If there’s no budget, she’ll have to paint it herself (with the help of a brother or your children). If she doesn’t want to wait, she can paint it now herself, but she MUST be careful of the new carpet/floors/etc.

You don’t want to alienate this young woman, making her odd man out from all the children, and you don’t want to start this new living arrangement by upsetting your girlfriend. COMPROMISE together. Work it out. TOGETHER.

My boyfriend broke his collarbone and is in extreme pain. He can’t do much, and he certainly can’t have sex. It’s almost impossible for him to do anything intimate because every exertion, every position is painful. I get it. I can wait. But he wants me to do a lot of things to him that are pleasuring. I’m happy to comply now and then. I’m happy to pleasure him even though he can’t give me pleasure. But I don’t like the demanding and I certainly don’t like that he seems to be enjoying this imbalance more than necessary.

Is this a red flag?

Broken and horny

Yes, this is a red flag. Your boyfriend sounds as though he is abusing the situation. Is he in as much pain as he says? Is he unable to perform due to pain? Your guess is as good as mine.

But under no circumstance should you be made to perform sexual acts that you are not interested in performing. Stand up for yourself and don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

Talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you’re feeling. If you still don’t feel good about the situation, I suggest taking a break from this relationship for a little while. That’s not abandoning a sick puppy; it’s being self-protective.

FEEDBACK Regarding the bored entrepreneur (March 10):

Reader – “Instead of poor me… Why not gratitude and a change of attitude? It’s called ‘giving back to your community.’  Those who do so are the ‘happiest people in the world.’    And who knows? Maybe a life partner is hiding in plain sight when s/he starts branching out?”

Reader #2 – “Has this person considered volunteering, specifically to see where her new passions may lay?  Even just exploring volunteering opportunities may open up new ideas and considerations.

“To be honest, I’m reading a ‘poor pitiful me’ story. How many people would love to be bored and successful?

She has become stale.  She needs a ‘kick in the butt’ to help open her eyes.  Engage services of someone to help with market analysis.  Maybe consider moving to new city to explore new ideas?  At the very least, START NETWORKING NOW to discover what complementary markets may exist.”