I recently bumped into a woman I’ve known for several decades, since we were children. We were never close friends, but we just knew each other and would see each other several times a year. We also had warm feelings toward each other and enjoyed each other’s company in those brief encounters.

On this last occasion, however, I was shocked at both her appearance and her behaviour. Though I haven’t seen her in about a year, she looked as though she had aged 10! Her skin was very wrinkled and saggy, and she was pale as a ghost. She used to be a healthy-looking person, always with a gorgeous tan and a smile on her face.

She is a tall, big-boned woman who has always been a swimmer and a golfer, but when I saw her, she looked as though she had withered away to nothing. She was no longer strong looking, but weak and frail.

She also used to be boisterous in her personality, always smiling, lots of funny quips, which is why it was easy to like her even on the odd occasion. But this encounter, she was quiet, said almost nothing, just smiled and looked around.

What is going on and can I inquire?

Lost Life

It’s really not your business, since you aren’t the best of friends. If you’re asking for curiosity and gossip, then no, mind your own business. If you’re asking out of genuine concern, then it wouldn’t be out of place for you to query a mutual friend. Perhaps she needs help and you could provide it, in some way. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

However, don’t go digging. Again, you’re not that close and probably whatever is going on is private.

I caught my wife red-handed having an affair, and she looked me in the eye and denied it. She said, “You have the wrong end of the stick.” I called my brother-in-law, a family lawyer who has also overseen all the family’s legal activity and asked him to come over immediately. He was there in 10 minutes, looked my wife in the eye and asked her if she wanted to recount her denial. Nope. She was sticking with her story.

I then called the wife of the man my wife is sleeping with and told her what I knew to be true. She literally said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have the wrong end of the stick. My husband would never cheat on me.” I asked her what perfume she wears; she told me. I asked if she knew the perfume that my wife wears and named it. She didn’t. I suggested she smell her husband and then go to the store and smell the perfume.

She hung up on me. I want a divorce. What do I do?

Cheater, cheater

If you want a divorce, engage your brother-in-law the family lawyer, and start the process. He’ll hopefully give you a good rate and can guide you towards a swift and painless divorce. You didn’t mention children, which would complicate matters, but again, if you have a good lawyer, that shouldn’t be the biggest hurdle.

When a marriage ends, no matter the reason, it’s best not to drag things out. When children are involved, many people try to make things work longer than necessary, thinking they’re doing the right thing for the children. But it’s not. No one benefits from living in an unhappy home.

The financial cost is the greater hurdle for many people, and that’s just the sad state of our economic climate. If your wife doesn’t want to be married, she should have said so, instead of cheating.

FEEDBACK Regarding the aunt’s strange behaviour (April 9):

Reader – “My husband and I both have multiples of various cosmetic and health products we use regularly. As older folks, we sometimes forget what we have on hand when at a pharmacy and buy more. I may take some to my winter home, my cottage, or when travelling, or put them in purses or sports bags then rediscover them another time and perhaps put back in the drawer. I have all my marbles and still volunteer as a consultant to non-profits, conducting strategic planning, focus groups, etc., but lipsticks and eye drops are not important enough for me to keep track!

“As my mother-in-law aged, she kept trying to give me her stuff, both household and personal. I didn’t understand and refused most of it, but now that I’m older, I understand the compunction to give away favourite things to loved ones. Sadly, the next generation often doesn’t appreciate old things.”