I am the youngest of seven siblings, ranging in age from 30 to 48. We are all as close as possible considering that we span generations, and some have moved away, come back, others have left, etc. I just had my first baby and my siblings, their spouses, and all my nieces and nephews have gathered around to help and shower this baby with love.

I had pregnancy complications and the baby had some issues at birth. We are both doing fine, just normal first-time mom with newborn exhaustion, coupled with some leftover medical issues. Unfortunately, we have just found out that my eldest sibling, my sister whom I adore, has brain cancer. This is going to be a very long and painful road.

All of us siblings have agreed to a family meeting to discuss how we can help our sister, and our first discussion is availability. I’m nervous because at the moment, I’m on mat leave so my calendar is empty. But I don’t have the energy to be the only one on call. How do I make sure that my siblings don’t lean too heavily on me, and why am I already feeling guilty?

This is no party

You do not need to feel guilty for anything. You’ve just had a baby! Your emotions are probably still stuck on your hormonal roller coaster ride, so be kind to yourself.

There are a lot of people involved, and I have no doubt that everyone is feeling something, be it fear, sadness, guilt, or helplessness. Hopefully your sister’s partner can take the lead on telling you all what she needs, what her appointment schedule looks like, and what’s expected in the near future. If they aren’t capable, too traumatized, perhaps one of the siblings can take the lead.

Divide and conquer. With a big family comes the beauty of sharing the load, whether celebratory like a new baby or painful like a dreadful disease. No one expects your nephew in law school to miss class, just like no one will expect you to do a night shift with a newborn. Offer to do what you can, when you can.

My sister and I are both travelling this summer and we both left at the beginning of May. Sadly, we are on opposite sides of the planet, on two very different time zones. We keep trying to catch each other and talk, but whenever the other one calls, it’s bad timing and we can’t have a conversation. And we can’t really set a plan because we’re both travelling with other people who don’t want to sit around while we have a chat. But I’m missing my sister big time and feeling lost without our connection.

What can I do?

Fish Out of water

Talk to your travel partners. Tell them that you haven’t spoken to your sister in a month and you really need a half hour to talk to her. Make a deal with them that once you organize a time with your sister, they can then set that time to talk to their parents or read a book or watch TV. You’d do it for them and they know it.

Now message your sister and set a date and time to talk. It’s just 30 minutes. Everyone can back off and give this to you both.

FEEDBACK Regarding the brother who came into money (April 9):

Reader – “He wants a bigger home and a country house on the lake.  Sounds like he will do just fine investing in real estate; which in almost all cases, is a positive investment.”

Reader’s Commentary Regarding hot hubby (Feb. 10; April 9):

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Lisi – Sounds interesting. Readers, talk to your health care professional for diagnosis and treatment.