My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage. They split when the child was only three years old. When I met my husband, she was eight, and we got married when she was 10. She’s now 16, and we have two more children, a four-year-old and a two-year-old.

I didn’t know how to behave when I first met her, since I haven’t spent much time around children, and I felt she was interviewing me for the job of stepmother even before we were at that stage. My now-husband didn’t introduce us right away, but we met sooner than expected.

She’s a lovely child and we have always got along well. And she’s an amazing big sister, so loving to the babies, so fun with the toddlers, and so easygoing when they are cranky, crying or having meltdowns. I dare say she’s better than me at handling their tantrums.

I just suffered a miscarriage to an unplanned pregnancy, which was painful and sad, but not traumatic or devastating for either myself or my husband. But something has changed in my stepdaughter and I don’t know what, or how to deal with it. What’s your advice?

Stepmom

You and your husband may not have wanted this pregnancy, but it sounds as though your stepdaughter loves babies and her siblings. I can’t say for certain, but I feel that this miscarriage was a big loss for her young heart. I strongly suggest she speak with a therapist who can help her work through these emotions and the loss.

In her young life she has gone through more stages than most: a traditional family; divorce, shared time with both parents, two homes, and two types of single parenting; a new parent, and siblings. And I don’t know what’s happening on her mother’s side. That’s a lot and she needs to process it all. Spend some alone time with her, strengthening your bond, and talking. But be careful what you share and how; she is still a child and not an adult. I suggest you speak to someone about proper messaging for young teenage girls about miscarriage. You don’t want to frighten her.

As a recent retiree, I decided to volunteer at the local foodbank. Having been a self-employed person for many years, the drive and ambition never left me. After a couple of weeks sorting food and packing for pickup, I couldn’t help but noticing a large amount of people walking in with an assortment of tattoos, both large and small. Having done some research on this subject, I discovered that this is a very expensive item. I mentioned this to a few people that were ready to pick up their items with a simple question: "Why would you spend money on this tattoo when you need to pick up groceries from the food bank?"

This was brought to the attention of my supervisor, and I was asked to not come back. I'm OK with this! I suggested that we would be better off to educate people about finances rather than hand out food to folks with $5,000 worth of body ink.

Was I out of line here?

Tattooed Opinions

Yes, you were out of line. On the one hand, you have no idea how much people pay for tattoos. Maybe their sibling does them for free! On the other hand, you have no idea why people need to come to a food bank. Maybe yesterday they were able to afford food and today they aren’t.

What you have done, in no uncertain terms, is to have judged a book by its cover – and then let everyone know your opinion. It’s certainly not your place to judge these people. You need an education in social etiquette.

FEEDBACK Regarding recently divorced man questioning his choices (July 17):

Reader – “He asked you if you think he made a mistake in leaving her because he learned from friends that she's happy and smiling and looks FABULOUS now. You responded, ‘maybe ... but give it a little time before you attempt a reconciliation.’ He didn't even like her, let alone love her three months ago, but now that she's transformed into a real hottie, he wants her again ... and you find it perfectly fine to suggest attempting a reconciliation?? I find it incredulous, based on the facts presented, that you would think it appropriate for him to go after his ex, whom he has no feelings for, other than lust, in an attempt to rekindle the relationship. Am I missing something here?”

Lisi – You chose to focus on the last line of my response only. Perhaps read my answer again.