I live in the big city of Toronto, which I love. One of the things I love about it is that you can meet people from all over the world and hear multiple languages spoken in the same day. I speak a very poor Spanish, having learned in school when I lived in New York as a child.
Yesterday, while at an event for my middle-school aged daughter, I heard another mother asking if anyone knew where the washrooms were located. And then I heard her speak to her daughter in Spanish. So, I went over and showed her where the washrooms were in my pidgin Spanish, thinking she would like that. Instead, she glared at me, said, thank you for your help, in loud English and walked away.
What did I do wrong?
Language Barrier
I don’t think you did anything wrong. You overheard a general question that you knew the answer to, and you heard her speaking Spanish, so responded in Spanish. That she got so upset is her issue.
When I visit Quebec, I often speak in French. However, my French is not a Quebecois French. I don’t have that accent, and some of my vocabulary is different. Some Francophones respond to me in English; some respond in French. Often, I will say, thank you, I’m practicing. Usually, that softens them and they reply in French. But not always.
Perhaps this woman is trying to hide her heritage and felt caught; perhaps she’s trying to practice her English; perhaps she thought it rude that you assumed you could speak to her in Spanish. You’ll never know. Don’t let it bother you.
I have a job where I need to look and act a certain way. I have overheard some of our clients comment that I’m pretty and so nice. I wake up an extra hour early to make myself presentable in the way that is necessary for my job. I dress appropriately, wear the right amount of makeup, and have my hair done just so.
From the minute I walk in the door of my office, I have a smile on my face and present as happy and kind. If you ask anyone, I am happily married to an amazing husband and a happy mom to two very lovely children.
In other words, I present as though I have the perfect life. But underneath it all, I’m breaking. I wake up early to get ready, but I also use the time to snoop in my husband’s pockets, phone and his bank account. I know he’s having an affair. I can tell you her name, what she looks like and where they went for lunch last week.
I’m also up early because I often fall asleep while lying in bed with my daughter, soothing her night terrors. She is having a terrible time being bullied at school, completely in the dark as to why no one likes her. I also have no idea why and can’t get a handle on it.
My makeup may look perfect, but underneath, I’m cracking.
Picture Perfect
And crack you will if you don’t take some time for your own mental health. Nothing is free, but your daughter would benefit from some counselling, and you and your husband would also benefit from a marriage counsellor.
Talk to someone you trust. You need to let off some steam before you pop. Your daughter’s situation needs more attention than yours because she seemingly can’t help herself. But it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that your own marital issues are affecting her. Protect your health so you’ll have the strength to fight for your daughter and deal with your marriage.
FEEDBACK Regarding the mother vs. wife debate (July 15):
Reader – “Why make things difficult for your loved ones when you’re old enough to know better? They have lives of their own that don’t always include us.
“I’m in my 80s and the mother of two sons. When they were teens, I taught them to respect women and always treat them well. I also told them that when they had a partner, I would NOT come first, and if I ever verbally stepped over the line, I was to be told. Eventually, I’d be gone, and they’d be left with their chosen ones.
“Holidays are always tension-filled, and I advised them to keep their mates and in-laws happy and not worry about us. What difference does it make to us if our family celebrates any occasion on another day? We’re still together and that’s the only thing that matters; plus, a definite bonus is gaining ever grateful and loving in-laws.”