Years ago, I married a woman I loved, and we started a family together. Sadly, we lost our son when he was only four years old. The devastation was too much and took its toll on our marriage. We divorced and moved on with our lives.

I found someone new, but before we married, she became pregnant. The timing wasn’t right for her, but I begged her to keep the baby. She chose not to and there was nothing I could do about her decision. But it broke me and I left that relationship.

Years later, I was with the third love of my life who really wanted a child. I was older by this time and wasn’t sure we could manage it, but we tried. Turned out that she couldn’t carry a baby to term, even after everything we tried. This time, it was my partner who was devastated and ended our relationship.

I started another relationship with a woman I liked a lot. We were great friends, but we lacked in chemistry. I did everything I could to spark a flame, but she just wasn’t interested in intimacy. I became complacent and we’ve now been together nearly six sexless years. There is a woman at a business that I frequent who has started coming on to me. I’d like to have sex with her. I’d like to have sex with my live-in girlfriend, but she’s clearly not interested. I love her but still need/want sex.

What should I do?

Childless and Celibate

The only thing for you to do is to talk to your girlfriend. Tell her how you’re feeling. Tell her how much you love her and want to be intimate with her. Explain to her why sex is important for you (because it isn’t important for everyone), what it does for you, how it makes you feel, etc. Ask her if she’d be willing to see a sex therapist together, and/or try to be intimate with you.

If her answer is yes to any of the above, then you owe it to her and your relationship to really try together. That means, no to having sex with the other woman.

If your girlfriend’s answer is no, then you need to weigh what’s more important: your relationship or sex. If the former, you need to walk away from the other woman. If sex is your go-to response, then, since you have nothing to lose, you could discuss with your partner if she’s willing to accept an open relationship. If yes, go for it. If no, you need to walk away and then freely have sex with whomever you wish.

While watching my daughter’s middle school basketball game, a mom sitting next to me was discreetly vaping inside the gym. Besides my own opinion of this vile habit, I found it so rude and disrespectful that I couldn’t sit idly by. I very gently said that I thought it best if she not do that inside the school. She replied by hissing at me to mind my own business.

I did not. Instead, I went and told our coach, who told their coach, who told the woman she needed to leave. She was livid but I didn’t care. Did I do the right thing?

Immature behaviour

I believe you did do the right thing. For starters, it’s illegal to vape inside a school; it also models bad behaviour in front of impressionable teenagers. It’s also contradictory to a healthy, active lifestyle which these kids have chosen by being on a school sports team.

You were being protective, and rightly so. Her coach’s actions were not yours. There are consequences to one’s actions.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding relationship advice:

“I am an avid reader of your column.  I thought I'd share an excellent piece of advice I found on Facebook. It hits close to home.

“Never marry anyone whose family did not welcome and accept you because when the reality of marriage sets in, there will be no one who will have your back.  You might think since your partner is truly in love with you, that is all you need.  Let me tell you this.  Love alone is not enough.

“Getting married to someone whose family is never in support of the union between you and their child is like putting your mental health and your peace of mind at risk because when you need someone to run to in the future in the marriage, you might not find anyone.”

Lisi – The truth behind this is real. Sometimes love prevails; sometimes families are won over; but often, neither of those happen.