My ex-wife and I have been divorced for two years already. We should never have got married in the first place, and we were smart enough (lucky enough?) to not have children together. Our divorce was swift and simple: she took what was hers; I took what was mine; and we split what was ours.

I’m now in a new relationship and going strong. I believe I might marry this woman and maybe even have a family with her one day.

Recently, I’ve heard that my ex has started badmouthing me to anyone who will listen. I have no idea why she would start a war two years after the fact, or what she would gain by dragging my name through the mud, but that’s what’s happening.

How do I get her to stop this nonsense?

Moved On

If I take your words at face value, then you’ve only heard through the grapevine that your ex is talking badly about you. Meaning, you haven’t heard it for yourself and don’t know if it’s true. Before jumping to conclusions and getting all riled up, take a look at your source. Are they trying to pull a fast one? Are they trying to stir the pot for some reason?

Obviously, you don’t have a friendship with your ex, or you would know this to be false information. And it sounds as though there’s still some contention otherwise you wouldn’t be so quick to believe the rumours.

I suggest reaching out to her, if you feel strong enough, and if you can do so calmly. Tell her that you’ve heard a rumour and you want to discuss it with her. If she goes on the attack, then you know it’s true and can act accordingly. If she acts surprised, only you will know if she’s lying or telling the truth, and then you can take next steps.

Unfortunately, you can’t stop someone from talking badly about you, unless what they’re saying is negatively affecting your personal or professional reputation. Meaning, if it’s slander, i.e. remarks made casually to others, there’s really nothing you can do.

Talk to your new partner and address the gossip. Hopefully she’s strong enough to know the truth about you and formulate her own opinions.

My neighbours have decided to renovate their home and sent a letter to all the neighbours who would be directly affected. They sent the letter to the four houses to both the left and right of them, and those across the street, in both directions, up to four homes. They did not send me a letter, or any of the neighbours to either side of me. Our backyards are back-to-back, with a wire fence in between, overgrown by shrubbery most of the year, and their wall of mini trees the rest of the year.

I only found out about the reno when a load of dirt and debris was plunked on my side of the fence, after the fence was accidentally knocked down by a digger. I calmly went over to discuss the issue, only to be met with a very rude contractor who told me that it wasn’t his problem.

I have never had an issue with these neighbours before. What do I do?

Neighbour Knock Down

Go back over when your neighbours are there and speak directly to them. They may be unaware of the situation and will hopefully rectify it once they get involved.

If they have the same attitude as their contractor, you may have to get the city involved. Make sure you document everything through photographs so you can prove that their digger knocked over the fence, and whatever is on your property. Hopefully you can keep this out of small claims court.

FEEDBACK Regarding friends who only talk about themselves (Aug. 5):
Reader – “I can identify with the couple in their early 70s whose ‘friends’ only talk about themselves. We had the same situation many years ago, in our late 60s. It suddenly hit us one time when three couples were together and one couple dominated the entire conversation the whole visit.

“We never invited them over again and haven’t missed them one bit. Life is too short to waste listening to self-centred drivel.”

FEEDBACK Regarding Transatlantic Family (Aug. 6):

Reader – “Start teaching him now. That was my grandmother’s concern while she was suffering cancer and knew she wouldn’t live much longer.  My grandfather survived and became quite a good cook, including baking his own bread!

“This man will figure it out. He won’t starve.

“Go and spend time with your mother, as that is precious time you will NEVER get back.”