I’m a man with a platonic female friend who was recently love bombed.
There were red flags from the start, yet she missed them and ignored my gentle warnings.
Examples: 1) The man she met online said he was “falling for her” before their first date. 2) On date #3, he talked about their “life together.” 3) He urged her to move in together after two months.
She did, and soon was shocked to find that he was controlling her friendships/family contact, what she wore, and where she could go without him (almost nowhere).
She’s left him, still shaken by the experience.
Warn your readers about this.
It’s been called the most toxic dating trend yet – the “swept off-your-feet” whirlwind romance that turns into a nightmare of smothering and manipulative behaviour.
It can also end up limiting the personal freedom of the “love-bombed” victim.
Excessive flattery and adoration are early signs, followed by constant urging to spend time with only him/her.
Narcissists and other toxic love bombers also use extravagant gestures early on (expensive gifts, a sudden trip plan) to gain power and control.
Lucky woman to have a friend like you. Remind her that it’s important to take time to build a relationship. Be certain it’s on equal terms, not one in which she’s being groomed to serve another’s narcissism or dominance.
I'm a senior on a pension. Seven years ago, I used an inheritance to help my son and his girlfriend by buying a house (in my name).
They’re paying the mortgage. I own my own little house.
The couple moved into this four-bedroom house along with my son’s friend and the girlfriend’s 15-year-old son.
After one year, the friend stopped paying me rent and I evicted him.
The girlfriend’s 22-year-old son moved in and failed to pay my son/his girlfriend the cost of food/utilities. They asked me to evict him.
Recently, her older son, 28, who works full-time, moved in but his mother doesn’t charge him anything so he can save to get his own place.
I've had to deal with property damages caused by her sons/their friends.
My middle-aged son can’t afford a place on his own. He started a business two years ago. He also has some mental health issues and I worry about him.
His girlfriend expects him to do dishes, vacuuming, toilets, and outdoor maintenance. If he objects, there are fights.
I only see her when I need to check out the property. I’m never invited inside. She has my son pay half of everything and her kids pay nothing.
My son feels trapped but can’t afford to be on his own and likes the area. He's afraid to leave.
There’s a small one-plus-bedroom bungalow next door. The owner mentioned selling it. I'm thinking about offering to buy his house, and then sell the larger one.
I could let my son move in and pay reduced rent since the mortgage would be less.
Would this be a good idea? If the girlfriend wants to stay with him, she’d no longer have the rooms for her freeloading sons.
Tired of the Damage
Don’t buy or sell more houses until you’ve talked with your bank advisor, and with a lawyer (it’s worth the fee of a one-time visit).
So long as your son’s with a partner, you have to know/accept that you’re helping both, and that his partner’s children will benefit from whatever you provide.
Ask your son, alone, what he needs to manage reasonably. Weigh that with your financial and legal information, to determine your next step.
FEEDBACK Regarding the young woman whose live-in boyfriend lied about having been married and had two kids (May 22):
Reader – “She has some investigating to do!
“Did she marry him without meeting his parents, (poor judgement) or did the parents lie about raising his children?
“Is the first wife still alive? Did he take the kids away from her?
“She should check with the police for his having any history of domestic violence.
“He wants her to stay home - is he controlling, and is that why the first wife left?
“She’s still attracted to and misses the man she thought he was, but he’s not that man. He tried to trap her in an imaginary relationship based on deceit.
“He’s not trustworthy. Does he have more secrets that caused his life to turn out this way?
“She needs to speak to a professional counsellor and also get the answers to her questions.”
Tip of the day:
Beware of love-bombing flattery and manipulation that leads towards control.