Years ago, before marriage and children, I used to go out in the woods for days alone, or with friends. It was my serenity. On one trip, I saw a plot of land that called to me. I went back several times by canoe and knew I needed to live there.
I bought the land and built a home. There was no road access, electricity, running water, etc. I met my wife and brought her to see the property. She warmed to it, not being as comfortable with rustic living as I am.
It's more than a decade later. We live in the city and the property is our getaway. There is now road access, electricity, internet, and all the amenities. It’s my paradise.
My wife now has mobility issues and doesn’t enjoy the woods. She wants me to sell so we can travel to places that interest her, and which will be expensive due to her diminished mobility.
I’m happy to take her wherever she wants but I can’t sell this place. What do I do?
Natural Home
I can relate to a lake home in the woods that means everything to you. I get that this is your happy place. From my experience, I strongly suggest you do everything in your power to keep it in the family - for your children and your sanity.
If your wife doesn’t enjoy it, she doesn’t have to go. Work out a plan. For example, you’ll go once a month, on your own (or with the children, or friends). Once a year, you’ll go for a week, while she goes away with friends, family, whomever. And once a year, you’ll go wherever she chooses, together.
Perhaps renting out your place when you’re not there would bring in some income to help with bills and maintenance costs, freeing up money for vacation.
Talk to a financial advisor to see where else you can save money. Trust me when I say: don’t give up your place!
My partner was let go from his job last year. The company gave him a package that was well below what he deserved. He was frustrated and angry, and hired a lawyer.
The lawyer bills my partner every time they speak, but has yet to get my partner more money. The whole process is consuming my partner’s every waking moment.
I suggested he start looking for other work. He says he is, but he isn’t. Whenever I’m around he’s either watching TV, socializing with friends, or smoking weed in our garden.
I’m getting frustrated because we need his second income. Yes, he is still getting paid monthly through the severance, but it’s not enough and will end shortly. The lawyer has yet to come through, and there doesn’t seem to be another job lined up.
I’m his partner, not his mother, and I don’t want to nag. But I’m getting angry and frustrated and this isn’t good for our relationship.
No job, no money
Your partner needs a lesson on what partnership actually means. It’s tough to be let go; it’s a rejection and a blow to one’s self-esteem and confidence. I believe your partner has every right to try to get a larger sum of money from his old company. But after this length of time, adjustments need to be made.
A conversation needs to be had with the lawyer; a plan needs to be in place regarding new employment; and though it’s the summer, your partner needs to minimize his down time and maximize his search efforts.
Talk to your partner, from a relationship standpoint and a financial one. You can’t carry the family alone, and you want a partner you can respect and count on.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman worried about the new mom in her baby group (June 29):
Reader – “It sounds like the baby needs an advocate and the major concern of the woman who contacted you should be the well-being of the child; not how awkward she feels. The struggling mom may not return to the group. The email writer needs to contact the struggling mom and do a wellness check. If the mom still isn’t coping then she needs to get her some help. Struggling moms have been known to hurt themselves and their baby.
“The well-being of that child and her mother are paramount.
“I enjoy your column; I believe you should have emphasized the need to intervene.”
Lisi – The letter writer did contact the mom the following day. I suggested that she and the rest of the group pay attention to this mom’s moods, watching for signs of depression.