My daughter refused to get a job this summer and has been doing a whole lot of nothing. She didn’t have a great school year because her best friend moved to Australia, and she and her boyfriend broke up. She also didn’t do as well academically, but she can’t retake any of her courses because she didn’t fail. So, she was disappointed with herself, lonely without her bestie, and sad over the breakup.

We decided to let her chill out for the first two weeks of summer, with the goal to get a job for the following six weeks. That time has come and gone, and we’ve seen zero attempts into job hunting.

We spoke with her about it after week one, trying to give her the push we felt she needed, but to no avail. She’s still refusing, asking for another week. We’ve agreed but I’m afraid this is a slippery slope and August will be here before we know it.

How do we get her out of her room, off the couch and doing something productive?

Concerned Parents

I feel strongly that your daughter would benefit from counselling. She’s dealing with a lot for a teenage girl, even though it may not seem that way to you. And perhaps that’s part of the problem: she feels you’re not taking her woes seriously.

A therapist would be able to help her work through her feelings of perhaps abandonment (losing a friend and boyfriend at the same time may feel that way), loneliness and failure that she may be feeling over poor academic accomplishment.

Try getting her the help she needs and focus on her mental health rather than making money this summer. She’ll have plenty of summers ahead to work.

My daughter applied for a job this summer working as a mother’s helper. She found the job posting at the library, asked around if anyone knew the mother, and heard only good things. I also asked around my network and was consistently met with positive feedback. So, I felt comfortable for my daughter to apply.

We were all very excited when my daughter was accepted for the position. At first, the mother only asked that she come over and watch her three-year-old while the mom did stuff at home in the mornings, such as a workout class, took a meeting, or worked in her home office. After a few weeks, my daughter was asked to stay longer, feed the child lunch and put him down for a nap. The mom was always home.

But then one day, my daughter called me crying. The mom had gone out but hadn’t told my daughter, and the child had woken up crying just as my daughter was about to leave. She had no idea the mom wasn’t home but had gone in to see what was wrong. When the baby wouldn’t settle, she went looking for the mom who was nowhere to be found.

While we were on the phone, the woman returned but was angry at my daughter for crying and being on the phone with me. I went straight over and picked her up. But, now what?

Mother’s Helper

I strongly suggest your daughter look for another summer job. Wherever this woman went, and for whatever reason, she should have absolutely told your daughter she was leaving. Your daughter sounds too young to have that kind of responsibility on her shoulders.

Help her understand that by leaving the job, she is forcing this mother to do better. The safety of her child is at the core of the issue here. If he hadn’t started to cry, your daughter would have left, and he would have been alone. That’s unsafe and illegal.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mah-jong cattiness (June 4):

Reader – “Rather than rejecting the women, I suggest she do the opposite: for every negative comment, she could say something positive. It could make the women realize that perhaps they need to change their attitudes. It's likely just a bad habit they've all adopted and someone needs to redirect them.”

Reader #2 – “If the thought of leaving the group is already present, what would it hurt if she expressed her opinion and discomfort openly? Maybe it’s time to start investigating alternate groups or activities?

“They may not realize how their talk is affecting people. Who knows who else may also speak up once the topic is placed on the table. Or they may not appreciate her candour and start gossiping about her.  But she’d already have one foot out the door anyway.”

Lisi – Reader #1 gives a great alternate approach. Worth a try.