Last month, on Family Day weekend, my son and I went to a warm destination to visit the grandparents. While there, we spent time on the beach, playing in the sand and in the sea. My son is nine years old.
One day, a couple came down and took the two beach chairs beside us, though there were plenty available further away. They smiled and said hello, engaged in conversation with my son, then ran down to the beach.
When they returned, they sat on their chairs and we each went about or own business. Within a short period of time, I heard giggling and looked over to find them engaged in a sexual activity that was inappropriate for the beach, especially immediately beside a small child.
They were both oblivious, only focused on each other. I started to loudly and aggressively gather our things and then took my son away from the beach. I was bothered for the rest of the day. Should I have said something?
Sex on the beach
You could have said something, but it wouldn’t have mattered. If the couple were in their 20s, they may simply have been caught up in the moment, unaware of the impact they were having on others. Any older and they would have known better – and clearly still didn’t care.
Point is they wouldn’t have heard you. I agree it was unfair of them to invade your space, especially when there was plenty of room further away, and then engage in inappropriate activity. But let it go. Don’t let it ruin your vacation. Change of scenery, perhaps a move from the beach to the pool, isn’t a bad thing.
I recently read about the working mom of three young kids who's frustrated by her husband's requests for a date night. I wish I had this problem! In fact, I have the opposite problem.
My husband constantly rejects my attempts at making time for the two of us, and I can tell you that our marriage has suffered greatly. The steady flow of rejection and feeling unwanted leads to resentment, which is not good. I feel as though I have tried everything, but I don’t know how to get through to him.
I have tried leaning on family members, friends, even paying a babysitter occasionally to watch the kids so he and I could go out and prioritize our relationship. He always comes back with an excuse of why we can’t go.
It’s been going on for years. I believe it’s too late for me, but to the woman who wrote in, I suggest she make some changes. Order your groceries to save time. Don’t over program your children or allow them to miss once in a while. You must decide what's more important to you and hopefully you decide that a date night isn't a chore like all the other things on your to-do list.
A good marriage that will last through the years will benefit not just you but your children. Just ask any kid of divorced parents.
Too late for me
I appreciate your words of experienced wisdom for the reader who wrote in. But I disagree that it’s too late for you. If you still love your husband, and if you believe he still loves you, you two can work together to enhance your marriage at whatever stage you’re in. You may need third-party help, such as a marriage counsellor, but there’s nothing wrong with that.
And when I say it’s not too late for you, I also mean that if your husband has no interest in you as a partner, that doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life with him. Your happiness matters.
FEEDBACK Regarding too hot to be hot sweaty night sex (Dec. 28):
Reader #1 – “I would have an honest and sincere discussion. Such ‘middle-of-the-night sweaty sex’ may be enjoyable some of the time but not all the time.
“I have heard several stories where couples of certain ages are finding separate beds beneficial from a sleep perspective. Not getting a good night’s sleep is definitely NOT sexy.”
Reader #2 – “Sweaty sex is fun once in a while, but definitely not all the time. My husband snores and needs to sleep sitting up. I get hot and like cooling sheets. He’s European and likes thick duvets. We found a bed that splits and moves.
“Now we both sleep EXACTLY as we need/want, which makes us happier during the day, less resentful of each other, and more inclined to want to have sex more often.”