My husband has four young sons from his past marriage. I’ve exhausted myself for seven years to help him with his rude, disrespectful kids.

I blame him for not being a responsible father to discipline them, but just being a Disney Dad.

He has them nine months a year, but will only play with them. I do all the washing, cooking, cleaning up. Also, he was often out of town for work, so I mostly had them on my own.

But with our own three younger children, he was a Holiday Dad - staying away even when he wasn’t working, mostly only coming home during holidays, not even for their birthdays.

It’s damaged my physical health to deal with the hurricane-like mess his sons create every year over nine months.

I didn’t complain to them, just their father, yet they told their mom I yelled at them.

She filed a court complaint, then I filed a counter-petition to restrain her sons from misbehaving in my house. So she charged that I “neglected” them.

With my own children, I’ve been firm and loud to make sure they act politely and respectfully, for which my husband calls me “a bad mother.”

I then remind him what an irresponsible, lazy, shameless dad he is.

Actually, I love his four boys, they’re good kids and sweet, but because of their dad they’ll try to get away with things.

What do I do with this man?

Exhausted Step-Mom

Start with a reality check: You married someone who leaves four sons in your care along with your own three youngsters.

Since you “actually love” your stepsons, you need to find a way to adapt to the situation. Or leave, but you’d still be on your own with three youngsters.

Back off the blaming and discuss with your husband what he wants for his kids. Most parents want their children to develop skills to get along in the world.

Generally, that requires decent manners, respect for others, and a solid basic education - at least.

Ask him how he can help you guide them toward this goal when you’re on your own with too much work and hassles.

At the very least you need money for some household help. The children also need their dad around more, helping them mature, as well as being playful.

If he refuses any such help, you have a difficult situation and serious decisions to make, which may include just doing the best you can.

But all this drama and bad-mouthing won’t change a thing. He’s difficult and his ex is contentious. But how you respond to them affects things, too.

My close friend is in a hospital across the country after being severely hurt in a car accident. Her family’s there with her, she’s mostly unconscious, and they say the prognosis isn’t hopeful.

I work full-time, have new projects starting, and I have three school-age children. My husband works long hours.

I won’t be able to travel there to see her in hospital while she’s still alive. I feel terribly sad and conflicted about what I should be doing about this.

Guilty Friend

She has her family with her, and right now, what’s most important is her condition, her comfort, and what the medical staff can do for her.

Express your support to the family during this exhausting, difficult time for them. Feel free to convey the love you feel for your friend, they’ll want to hear it. And pray, if it’s meaningful to you, or her.

FEEDBACK Regarding the “ Guilty Girlfriend” who won’t marry her boyfriend  because he’s a tradesman (December 4):

Reader – “She doesn’t deserve this man who worships her.

“Good luck to her without him, fixing an outlet, changing a tire in the rain. Let her pay a plumber $450 for a house call, or thousands for basic  renovations. Skilled hands earn money from unskilled hands.

“If the roles were reversed, and she had a more menial job while he was a professional, there’d be no hesitancy. I call this reverse gold-digging.”

 Ellie – That woman’s question attracted many similar responses. The fact that she enjoyed his companionship and accepted the flattery of his feelings was particularly off-putting to many, since she already felt she “could do better.”

Her only hesitation was about being 29 and wanting to have children. It was clear she would use him to get pregnant, yet never respect him as a man.