The following letter, from a man, is valuable reading for starting this New Year with an attitude of openness and optimism about whom you should consider as a life partner:
COMMENTARY From your readers’ letters, it seems that many women create several preconditions to getting married. If the conditions aren’t found, they’re willing to throw a good person, or potential life mate, under the bus.
He must have equal or greater education and status, equal or greater job prospects, title, or career already in full swing.
After 30 years of marriage, I can see where this is both a sign of insecurity and immaturity, and also lack of understanding of what is a good marriage.
Back in my 20’s, I believed that, should I meet a woman whom I loved and it was reciprocal, we’d marry and tackle life’s challenges together. I was raised to not marry the one you can live with, but the one you can’t live without.
We started with nothing. I had a high school education and a very strong work ethic. I was very intelligent but school didn’t agree with me.
Thirty years later, we’re still very much in love and together. Life has been full of both triumph and despair - the death of a child, raising two more great kids with multiple degrees and careers of their choosing.
We’ve had years of job loss and of being truly scared of what was going to happen to us and our family.
Yet I made it all the way up to director of a public company and now we own our own company. It was up to our own efforts and design. We did it together.
We lived and are living a full life.
Please encourage your readers with pre-conditions for whom they’d choose to marry, that life is not predictable.
Staying as a couple to take on life’s challenges requires more than the value they’re placing on things that stroke their egos of today.
Don’t marry to get out of the house, or because your time clock is ticking, or because the idea of a destination wedding excites you.
Consider the guy who’s one-inch shorter but loves you to death. And the guy who didn’t get the degree, or doesn’t have family money.
If you say no, you’ll miss out on someone like Bill Gates, past presidents and prime ministers, famous actors, musicians, and industry leaders. You’ll miss out on a truly wonderful life.
My boyfriend got suspended for three days because he brought a knife to school.
I forgive him but I don't know if I should break up with him or let it go.
I feel sick every day with a huge stomach-ache.
I think you’re scared. You’re not clear on why he brought the knife, but you know it means he was angry and dangerous when he had it.
The fact that you say you “forgive” him suggests he might even have meant it to scare or harm you.
No matter how much you think you like this guy, you must like yourself a lot more and protect yourself. He’s not stable enough to be anyone’s boyfriend at this time.
If you fear that breaking up will infuriate him, tell your parents and/or a school official that you need to be protected from him, especially when you break up. In this case, it may be wisest to inform him by phone or have your parents tell him.
They should also alert the police.
I'm a single mother of a boy with autism. How should I look for a partner?
Friends and family suggest that I seek somebody in a similar situation.
Or, should I not try at all to start a new relationship?
Mom On Her Own
Your family and friends mean well but missed the main point.
You have a lot to handle with your son’s condition, so you need a partner who’s understanding, compassionate, and takes an interest in how to help the boy grow into a healthily functioning individual.
He does NOT have to have a child with the same condition. Seeking someone for just that purpose is no guarantee of mutual compatibility or romantic attraction.
Instead, seek a social life with friends and through your personal interests, as a normal break from your responsibilities as a mom.
When you meet someone you like, find out then whether you two share a desire and commitment for becoming partners.
Tip of the day:
Marry the person you don’t want to live without.