I have a great relationship with my boyfriend; we spend most of our time happily together, or together with his friends.

However, I kept feeling the need for having friends of my own and my boyfriend assured me that once I got a job, these things would happen naturally.

He even mentioned that if I made friends with other men he’d be okay with it.

Recently, when I did get a job in an environment where there are many people around my age, I've befriended (as I tend to naturally) a couple of guys, and I feel a slight connection with one of them.

He’s attached, too, and other than the fact that I know cheating doesn’t end well, he's also not the type of guy for whom I’d leave my boyfriend.

I want to talk to this guy more but not in a way that could send the wrong messages to both my boyfriend and to him.

Should I hold off on talking to him more, or just do what feels right? Am I just excited to be making a new connection? I don't want this to get too out of hand.

Restrain or Be Natural?

I already smell smoke, which means fire can’t be far behind. You’re over-thinking this recent friendship, and over-worrying about its meaning. That tells me you either suspect your boyfriend can get jealous easily despite what he said, or you feel an attraction in this “connection.”

You’re entitled to friends, so make sure that’s what you’re developing here… a work friend, period. Tell your boyfriend about the guy, but don’t overdo talking about him.

If your boyfriend can meet you after work, have them meet so both eyeball each other and see the line between work and personal life.

Find other work friends too. Since there are lots of similar age employees there, that shouldn’t be hard, if you try. Concentrating on one opposite-sex connection only is like carrying a match to start a flame.

Usually when someone confides something serious in me, or entrusts me with something very private, I react with indifference to their “secret” and treat them as I always have.

I do this because I assume that they wouldn't want me to treat them differently because of their news.

But I'm starting to rethink this strategy, because when I acted this way with a friend who came out to me, we then drifted apart (granted, he was graduating that year, while I wasn't). Still, we didn't speak much afterwards.

I don't want to ruin friendships in the future by coming across as cold and callous when someone trusts me enough to confide in me.

How can I prevent myself from appearing apathetic and uncaring while still not making people uncomfortable by being hypersensitive?

Awkward Confidante

Find a balance. Once a secret is revealed, no one wants you to mention it repeatedly. However, in a private moment, it’s fine and shows caring to ask, “How’s it going?”

If the answer’s non-committal, don’t probe.

But once you’ve been entrusted with very personal information, two important rules: 1) to keep it to yourself; 2) understand that the person may also hope to talk to you about it again.

Now for the warning: If the “secret” is very dark and worrisome, say that you feel you’re not the right person to hold this information, so would strongly urge the person to talk to someone professional about it.

 

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who's dating a man with different religious views from hers (May 29):

Reader – “I’ve found that deeply religious people aren’t the only ones who may not accept and respect an atheist or agnostic person.

“There are plenty of intolerant and disrespectful non-believers, so the risk of disrespect runs both ways.

“Religion is definitely an important topic for couples to discuss ahead but, practically speaking, differing views can work in a committed relationship.

“My boyfriend is agnostic, I am a devout Catholic, and I also know many couples with a similar difference in their belief systems.

“My boyfriend respects my religion and attends Mass with me on occasion, and I respect his hesitation to believe in God or religion, or not.

“We've already discussed important practical issues for staying together – e.g. how kids would be raised, etc. It certainly adds a layer of difficulty, but difficulties exist in all relationships.”