My husband and I decided to watch some porn (not extreme), partly out of curiosity since we discovered that our son, who’s 18 and finished high school, was downloading a lot more than we’d ever suspected.

I admit we were aroused by some of it, but we later realized that no men in the porn videos were wearing condoms.

This creates a dangerous counter-message to the many teenagers and youth who get their view of sex from porn, even though parents like us and any sex educators are saying that STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) are more and more prevalent!

Worried Mom

The porn industry is making its multi-millions by selling sizzle and shock, not safety.

This realization about absence of condom use is an access point for you, as parents, to talk about porn.

Your son may be surprised to learn that you’re informed, perhaps uncomfortable thinking that you’ve seen some of the same images he’s viewed.

Say that hard-core porn is not of interest to you two as a loving and respectful couple. But you were curious enough to look at soft porn and surprised at its lack of concern for people’s health, since many STI’s cannot be cured (e.g. genital warts).

Remind him that condom use, and talking about STI’s with a partner, is still necessary for self-protection.

I've been chatting almost daily on Facebook, with a guy who’s recently become my best friend.

However, I feel that he likes me as he's made passes at me such as mentioning marriage, dating, and other topics. Then he shies away by immediately saying that he's just joking.

He's sincere and wonderful, but I just don't feel the same way about him. I've tried and it's not working.

Also, he told his best friend that he likes me, and that guy told this girl who recently asked me about it. I said I didn't know anything although I've had my suspicions.

I'm upset with his best friend because I’ve also trusted him with other of my secrets in the past and now wonder if my other secrets have also been shared.

This girl also informed me that the Facebook friend who likes me has asked out two other girls including her.

It's not my place to inform him of his best friend telling someone about his secrets, and I’d prefer not to get involved.

However, I’m concerned about the day when he asks me to be his girlfriend and I have to say no. I feel it’ll ruin our friendship.

I've tried to gently tell him that I'm not interested but he continues to make passes.

How To Fix?

Put a “fix” on your own communication, to clear the air, and so he doesn’t have to embarrass himself by specifically asking you to be his girlfriend.

Talk to him about how great it is to have a platonic pal. Say that it gives you a great feeling of trust because there are no dating games.

Don’t mention interest in other guys (too hurtful) but somehow send the message that you believe your close friendship can be lasting and supportive, compared to the relationships that usually come and go with stress and uncertainty involved.

Also, don’t encourage any of his comments because of the flattery it must make you feel. If you’re a true friend to him, protecting his pride is more important.

And stop telling “secrets” to his best friend. That’s a sure way to create gossip and misunderstandings, as you’ve already seen.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for two years, have been really stressed and gained weight. I’m uncomfortable with myself around him, like I’m not good enough for him because I'm bigger.

He says he loves me and finds me beautiful, but all my friends are skinny and pretty so I don't feel beautiful. I'm afraid I’ll lose him because of my weight. I also worry that he's not saying how he feels when we fight.

Very Stressed Out

You’re beating up on your own self-image when the person you care most about doesn’t see you as overweight. It’s a self-defeating cycle because stress over weight gain often promotes over-eating of less nutritious comfort foods, and can interfere with being active to get fit.

Yet eating healthy foods, walking, and getting other exercise are the stress-busters that help people feel good about themselves.

Do this for more self-confidence, or you’ll push your boyfriend away with insecurity and fighting.