I am 52 in a same-sex marriage with another man. We have been together for 20 years. We don’t have children, though I always dreamed of being a father. It was never his desire, nor would he entertain the idea. So, I caved. I wanted him more than I wanted kids, or so I thought.
My husband and I both have well-paying careers and we live a modest lifestyle. Our money goes further than I see other peoples who do have children. I thought we were fortunate. But there still never seemed to be enough to do anything special. We have three dogs, so there was always the added expense of going away, in that they all need to be boarded, but I know it’s financially possible.
Yesterday my husband told me he wants to split. He says he can’t live like this anymore. When I asked what that meant, he replied, “Our life is boring. We don’t do anything. You never want to go anywhere. And I’m sick of being poor.”
We’re not poor; and I DO want to travel! What’s he talking about?
Excuses, excuses
From your description, those do sound like excuses. You should have a sit-down conversation with him to try to get to the real core of why he wants to leave. If it’s the travel thing, then plan a vacation together. I suspect it’s not that. If he’s bored, plan some fun activities together. But I suspect it’s not that either.
According to the FP Canada Financial Stress Index for 2026, 18 per cent of Canadians have relationship problems caused by financial stress. And that money is the top stressor for 43 per cent of Canadians.
If your partner wants to leave, the why doesn’t matter in the end because he’ll just leave. Often, the one left has a hard time understanding the “why” because they can be refuted in their heads, their heart, and even on paper. It’s not easy or fun to be dumped. It’s painful and soul-crushing. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Will you find happiness? Probably. You and your dogs will find peace and happiness – and maybe you’ll even have the chance to become a father, now that your roadblock is out of the picture.
I live year-round on a small bay which opens into a small lake. It’s big enough to allow for speedboats and water sports, which is why it is coveted in the summer. It’s further from the city than Lake Simcoe but that lake is huge and not ideal for those who don’t enjoy big open water.
The issue is that my bay happens to be home to six full-time residences, and no seasonal properties. As a result, even on the hottest summer day, our bay is generally calm, flat and quiet. This is a good thing for us – and apparently a new cottage family who thinks it’s a perfect bay to surf in.
Obviously, we homeowners don’t mind other people using our bay, but we’ve never had a situation like this. They play VERY loud music and churn up the water so that our floating docks are constantly in turmoil. One neighbour’s granddaughter was swamped, and the family was only fortunate that an adult was close enough to grab her. How do we get them to stop?
Too Many Waves
You could apply for a no-wake zone restriction in your bay, but according to research, that could take a few years to be put into effect. You could also communicate with the boaters directly. They may not realize or recognize the negative effect they are having on you and your property.
Kindness and communication go a long way. I strongly recommend starting with an outstretched hand.
FEEDBACK Regarding no cure in pedicure (May 11):
Reader – “As someone who has a number of foot issues and a son who’s been a major runner since his youth, I feel that it's very important, when necessary, to seek out the help of chiropodists and/or podiatrists who are very experienced medically with all matters of the feet. Athletes wreak havoc on their feet that often requires immediate attention.
“Although not always easy to find, European aestheticians have a very different type of education and experience than the individuals’ performing pedicures in the local salons opening on almost every corner.
“Feet deserve expert attention at times.”
Reader #2 – “She needs to contact Public Health and report. There may be other clients with problems. It would trigger an inspection with recommendations, which would only educate and improve the salon conditions. I’m surprised her doctor didn’t raise it.”
Retired Infection Control Nurse