I am desperate for some validation. We have a set of eight-year-old twins and a six-year-old. As part of our summer traditions, I take the children to the bookstore and let them each pick out a book. We then go to a dollar store or our local Walmart, where we find educational workbooks. We work on spelling, math and a third subject of their choice (and whatever’s available).

The kids are busy with some day camps throughout the summer, but there are weekends and several weeks where we are either on vacation or just doing nothing. Either way, our house rule is that we read for 30 minutes before bed every night (unless we’ve watched a movie and it’s gone late, or we get home late from an outing).

One of my twins overheard my husband saying he thought it was overkill and that I was the “Summer Grinch.” Now that child is putting up a fuss, and ironically, he’s the one who needs it the most.

How do I explain my actions to my husband and get him to talk to my son and validate me?

Summer Grinch

Happy to validate what you know to be true. It’s called the “summer slip” and its proof that children can lose 30 to 40 per cent of their learning progress from the previous school year during the summer months. Disrupted schedules and increased screen time are the main causes of this hot-weather summer phenomenon.

The best antidote? Reading and learning. That doesn’t mean classroom time. It means doing what you’re doing, for example. Reading alone increases comprehension, decreases stress and anxiety and helps with emotional regulation.

Show your husband the stats and the scientific proof. Then call a family meeting. Let him lead the discussion about summer reading and other skills. If your son still puts up a fuss, suggest he find a book that has a movie adaptation and promise him a movie night once the book is finished. And, if the book is long, get him to halfway – and watch half the movie.

My girlfriend and I are working at a summer camp this summer where all the kids suffer from some sort of trauma. Some have lost siblings to illness; others have lost parents to illness or suicide; some have overcome illness themselves.

They’re all very sweet kids and my girlfriend and I are loving getting to know them better and learning so much about overcoming trauma. Only through good fortune have we escaped knowing these things first-hand.

There are two kids who, separately, have latched on to the two of us as though we are their parents. We think it’s cute and sweet as we are only mid-20s ourselves and no way ready for a family.

But we’re worried that they are getting too close to us and that when camp ends, they will reopen wounds they’ve worked so hard to heal. What should we do?

Camper Relations

Talk to the camp director and social worker. They’ll know how to help you navigate this situation with these children’s emotions at the forefront of importance. You’re right – it’s very sweet that they have taken to you both, but you are NOT their parents and there do need to be some boundaries in place.

The social worker will know, based on what these kids have gone through, how to help you disentangle yourselves in the kindest, softest way possible, if necessary. So much depends upon the age of the children and the trauma they have suffered.

Good for you both for taking on this summer job. Empathy and compassion are traits that some people come by more naturally than others, but they can still be learned by all who wish to try.

FEEDBACK Regarding drunk dancing (May 26):

Reader – “The minute she decided to meet at a bar and then go dancing with him, she broke two cardinal rules: First dates should NEVER include alcohol; and they should take place in an open facility with an exit route.

“The first alarm should have been the dingy bar. Second alarm was the flask.

“In my opinion, she placed herself in danger twice: once at the seedy bar and then in the vehicle with potentially impaired driver.

“I would NEVER place anyone in such a dangerous situation.  First dates are for coffee, and she always arranges her own transportation. If things aren’t working out, I’d want her to have an easy way out.

“As Dr. Phil says, ‘What were you thinking?’  But she may not have been in a similar situation previously. Lesson learned, I guess.”

Lisi – She was never in a vehicle with her date.