My son is 22, just graduated from university, and earned some good money doing a side hustle all through school. He made enough that he bought himself a motorcycle, even though I begged him not to. He took a few lessons and got his license.
I am scared silly that this bike is going to be the end of him. As cool as people think they are, they’re the biggest death machines on the roads. The statistics are appalling. I am literally going to have a heart attack worrying about my child.
How can I convince him that this is a bad idea?
Moms against motorcycles
At 22, and a university graduate, your son probably believes that he is a mature adult who can make up his own mind, make his own choices and live life on his terms. And he can. Except we all know that the average male brain isn’t fully developed until the age of 25, so at 22, they still make poor choices and mistakes.
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do. You have no control, especially since he is paying for everything on his own. The only thing you can do is talk to him and tell him how you feel. He’s going to do whatever he wants, but if he knows how worried you are, he may take it to heart.
My neighbours are going through a rough patch in their marriage. I only know this because he has spent the whole month of August in the backyard getting high, and she has been away at a friend’s cottage for two of the four weeks. When she’s home, all they do is fight and we can hear it even with the windows closed and the air conditioning running.
I feel bad for them because they’ve had a few rough years. His mother passed away and her sister was killed in a car accident almost back-to-back. They have one child with special needs and another who isn’t sure about their sexuality, gender, style or religion.
I don’t want to insert myself where I’m not welcome, but I want to help. What do you suggest?
Neighbourly, not Nosy
Their life sounds very hard right now and I don’t think they would welcome your intrusion. I’m sure they know that you can hear them and smell his activity. It sounds as though they are both in need of professional counselling – together and alone. They have to deal with their own separate losses, and together, the struggle of having a special-needs child and another in constant flux.
It also sounds as though they don’t lean on each other in their time of need, but rather, escape to their own corners. I feel for them; however, it’s not my place or yours to meddle.
If you are desperate to show kindness, you could bake brownies and give them “extras.”
My girlfriend has a clothing issue. She literally changes her outfits multiple times before leaving the house to go anywhere and is perpetually late as a result! She has a great figure, in my opinion, and looks great in everything she puts on. Also, who cares what you look like to go get ice cream at midnight? I usually roll out in my pajamas!
Then she leaves her clothes lying around the floor and her place is an absolute mess! I can’t deal. What do I do?
Messy Molly
Limit her nonsense. Tell her that this habit is driving you nuts, and you’d like to help her curb it. Beg her to choose between three outfits max, to put at least one away before she grabs another, and that she only has a certain amount of time in which to get dressed. Try that. Good luck!
FEEDBACK Regarding being extremely depressed (June 2):
Reader - “I used to ask the same questions myself, until I also came close. I was going through a hard spell, including both my mother and brother experiencing major health issues, employment stress and marital stress (very acrimonious divorce). One day I was seriously contemplating doing something stupid. Fortunately, I moved out of the house the next day and sought some counselling.
“Suicidal ideation can happen to anyone. Luckily, my life looks totally different now: I’m happily divorced, my mother has passed, and my brother got medical treatment and is happily retired.
“As for her friends, you would be surprised how fast a person can be abandoned when downers start happening. No one wants to be dragged down. And perhaps, like me, her family were all preoccupied with their own life issues.
“Do not judge if you’ve never been there.”