I was born in Canada but grew up in Kenya. My parents were missionaries and travelled all over until I was born, the fourth of all their children. They realized that they needed to sit still in order for us to have normal socialization and an education.
We went to the international school, had lots of expat friends, but also connections with many Kenyans. Once we hit high school age, it became clear that we would need to leave for higher education, and we were all shipped back, one by one, to Canada to attend university and get our degrees.
My oldest sister became a big animal veterinarian and returned to Kenya, where she lives still. My oldest brother studied law, became a practicing Canadian lawyer, and then took extra courses and a licence to practice over there. He splits his time. My next older brother fell in love with the snow and spends his time chasing it, so he can ski.
I am still studying so I am here in Canada, and my parents come to visit in the summer. I believe that they expect me to return to Kenya, like my two older siblings. I’m not a lover of the snow, so they’re not worried I’ll follow that sibling to the mountains. But the truth is that I don’t want to go back there. I want to stay in Canada.
How do I tell my parents my plan when they have expectations of me?
Staying Put
Canada and Africa are different in so many ways, that it’s unfair to compare them as a choice of where to live. It boils down to what’s important to you NOW. If you choose to stay in Canada after you finish your degree, that doesn’t mean you can never return to Kenya.
If I understand correctly, your parents are disappointed in your brother for choosing the ski bum lifestyle, more than they are upset with him for not returning to Kenya. Your older siblings stayed on past basic undergrad to become both a vet and a lawyer ,respectfully, so I don’t think they’re expecting you back as quickly as you think.
Just take it year by year until you graduate and then re-evaluate. Try to put yourself in your parents’ shoes: they love you; they’re trying to do what’s best for you; you’re a million miles away; and now you want to tell them you’re never going home. Ouch! Maybe don’t.
The world has gone football/soccer crazy and I’m OK with that. The FIFA World Cup is bringing people together around the world. There are so many games to watch, so many teams to root for, so many opinions on refs’ calls; it’s uniting and polarizing all at the same time.
But why are there still people who insist on wearing their bigotry and racism right out on their foreheads? I’ve heard people talk smack about the colour of the players’ skin, the drama of some cultures, the ownership of some teams and players, etc.
Why can’t people just let the sport be about the sport?
Unsportsmanlike
I wholeheartedly agree that watching a sport should be about the capability of the players coupled with fair and unbiased calls by the referees and judges. Full stop. NOTHING else should matter. Obviously, no enhancement drugs, cheating or dodgy equipment. But the colour of the players’ skin, their cultural or religious beliefs – NONE of that should make a difference.
Spectators should be watching for the thrill of the sport, for the chance to boast about their fellow countrymen who are playing in honour of the country they represent. Not to dis others’ way of life.
FEEDBACK Regarding the helpful spouse (April 17):
Reader – “Great call on suggesting a physiotherapist as well. From my work training dogs, I've noticed similar behaviours in both dogs and humans when it comes to pain. Dogs and humans, when in pain, rarely make their discomfort apparent. Most of the time they will not vocalize it either.
“Based on what was said about the man injuring his knee over the winter, one thing that might help is seeing a medical professional so that he can get treated for the pain. Pain often looks like social withdrawal.
“Sometimes people don't even realize that themselves – when some part of their body feels uncomfortable. Since pain is a very individual experience, the man may not consider his body sensation as pain per se, because ‘it doesn't hurt.’
“Thanks again for another great piece, Lisi!”
Lisi – Thank YOU for this perspective.