About a year ago, my niece (age 50) and her husband moved to Toronto where two of my sisters live. I live an hour and a half away, by GO transit. My sisters are now ages 80 and 70, both single.

My brother, who was divorced from my niece's mother, died 30 years ago. My niece's behaviour at that time was not exemplary (using my brother's credit card, racking up parking tickets on his car). Consequently, she became estranged from my brother's partner. My brother had arranged to have a friend become the Trustee for my niece's inheritance. I had a close relationship with my brother, and my niece would have perceived me as an ally of his partner, with whom she never re-established contact. I was living in the same city at that time.

I have seen my niece sporadically over the years. I am aware that on one occasion she told my two sisters that she "doesn't do family." Well, it seems as though she's had a change of heart, which may have been encouraged by her husband whom she married just a few years ago. Over the past year, she has been inviting my two sisters to her home on every holiday: New Year's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving and an Open House this past Christmas Eve. Plus, other occasions, such as one sister's birthday.  She asked my two sisters if she should invite my other two sisters, who live in Montreal and Ottawa, for her Christmas event. Not once have I been invited.

I am hurt. And what hurts is that my two sisters, seemingly happily accept my niece's invitations, knowing that my partner and I are shunned.  30 odd years ago one of my two sisters shared with my niece's Trustee details of her misbehaviour. It is my intuition that my niece has believed for all these years that it was I who "spilled the beans." And that foolish Trustee repeated back to my niece all that he had been told.

One of my sisters randomly uses the word “justice” to describe world issues and I'm feeling, where is the justice here? I feel I’m being punished for something I didn't do. Around 25 years ago my niece was planning a destination wedding (which never happened). All my sisters were invited, but not my partner and me. At that time my niece admitted to one of my sisters that she was excluding me, based on what, I don't know.

A few months ago, I talked with my two sisters about this. One of them readily admitted that she feels badly that I am being excluded. The other one feels badly also but has no memory of spilling the beans. All four of my sisters admit that this is real, it's happening, it's not my imagination.

I’m 74 years old. I'm not happy about this. I feel betrayed by my sisters. I’ve always been there for them, through illnesses, mental health crises, pandemic-related isolation, etc. What do I do?

Trying to make peace

There are two issues at play here: one is the feeling of betrayal by your sisters, and the other is the feeling of being punished for a crime you didn’t commit, subsequently being excluded from family events.

A get-together with all your sisters, who, as you say, admit that this is an issue, is important for them to know how this is affecting you, one of five siblings. They need to stand by you, encircling you with their support.

As for your niece, you have nothing to lose by telling her that you were NOT the one who betrayed her to the Trustee. She can choose how to respond; you have no control over her actions. You can only control your own response.

FEEDBACK Regarding Generous George (March 11):
Reader – “Does he have life insurance? Does his wife? Does he have a fund for his children’s education? Can he double his mortgage payments, instead of giving away his wife’s earnings?

“This is a solid deal-breaker!!!

“Is he willing to pay a divorce lawyer? Child support? Alimony, if his wife leaves him for another man who has common sense?

“Has his sister, or anyone else ever given him anything?
Has he ever thought of having his wife stay at home and be generous to her and not pay a nanny??”

FEEDBACK Regarding the humping dog (March 14):

Reader – “So their dog WAS permitted to do this for a while?  Their dog is now confused.

“Take that as lesson learned, to stop inappropriate and undesirable behaviour when it’s first noticed, and NOT after being permitted to do so after a period of time.”