Recently, in a busy grocery-chain store with self-service check-out stations, I noticed there was no one sanitizing the stations between shoppers.

Two employees stood by directing shoppers where to press this button or that. Neither picked up a nearby large sanitizer bottle to spray and wipe those buttons, used by long lines of shoppers within the space of minutes.

I asked one of those workers to please spray and wipe. Another employee nearby, said within my hearing, “Oh, here we go again!” as if I were unnecessarily bothersome. However, the person I’d asked did then spray/wipe where everyone’s fingers touched.

I understand that some people had started believing that Covid was over, when the case numbers were down. But then they started climbing again. There are still no absolute certainties about the coronavirus, as surges still come and go.

How can we who are cautious deal with people who are blatantly rude and make us feel badly and even shamed?

Frustrated Shopper

It’s been almost 18 months of Covid affecting us in waves from being scared, to dealing with it, feeling hopeful in Spring, confident in Summer, then worried again.

Just when it seemed the pandemic was easing, the highly transmissible Delta variant is making many afraid not only of the virus, but also of each other.

People have different, ingrained attitudes - e.g., some are more afraid of vaccinations than getting sick. Yet so many of those getting Covid this summer have been unvaccinated. It’s a hard lesson towards changing their minds, if they do.

Still, we all must be respectful in our daily lives. Some people have valid health reasons why they cannot be vaccinated. If case numbers soar, there may be pressure on governments to pass emergency laws to make vaccines mandatory (except for those just mentioned).

Our pandemic-era relationships are constantly being tested. You asked for sanitation help from a grocery employee, and you received it.

The negative comment from another employee was unnecessary, but so are all the overreactions we experience when unsettled or downright anxious.

Don’t dwell on it.

My husband of 63 years (he’s 88, I’m 81) had a minor stroke several years ago. He’s managing just fine on meds. He takes no interest in anything anymore, just plays on his iPad all day while I must manage everything else.

I caught him looking at bikini-clad girls and he clicked off when he noticed my presence.

We haven’t had a sexual relationship for decades which I considered fine as we got older. But this makes me sick.

Before computers, he watched porn movies on late-night TV after his evening shift, thinking I’m asleep. When I came downstairs, he’d quickly turn it off.
I can hardly look at him anymore.  We’re great-grandparents with a wonderful family. My children wouldn’t even believe this stuff. What can I do?

Old-Age Porn-Watcher

It’s not only tough to change a privately titillating interest of a post-stroke 88-year-old, it’s also unnecessary. Better to ignore it.

Sex hasn’t attracted you for years. Though you believe he’s “managing just fine,” the stroke has stolen his confidence to do anything beyond watching what he considers entertainment online.

Physically, you can still manage “everything,” but at 81, you’re entitled to seek aid from an adult child or paid helper. Invite your grandkids and great-grandkids to visit you both for mutual distractions, such as kids’ chatter, games, memories and laughter.

I was suddenly widowed two years ago at 49 when my husband suffered a massive heart attack. He was 52. It was a terrible shock, especially for our teenage son and daughter and my husband’s parents. He was my beloved partner, a wonderful involved father, popular with his co-workers, an honourable man.

Many of our friends have encouraged me to start dating and some already have “great guys” with whom they want to set me up. I don’t want to seem ungrateful for their interest in helping me move forward, but I don’t know if I’m ready to date.

Too Soon?

You don’t have to be “ready.” Instead, be honest with yourself about whether you’re afraid of feeling emotions about anyone else, or of being judged by some (e.g., family) for dating again.

If you’ve had meaningful grief counselling, talk to that therapist to help you separate your tragic loss from fearing your future and unknown relationships.