My friend invites me up to her cottage every year, which is so lovely and we always have the best time. However, she never invites me with my husband, and only invites me during the week, never on a weekend.
Her husband comes and goes irregularly, and I know they ALWAYS have company on the weekends. This is the fifth year that she is inviting me, and though I love our time together, I’m starting to feel like I’m a B-lister.
How do I talk to her about this without sounding ungrateful and without losing my invitation for next summer?
Cottage Hierarchy
You could mention to your friend that your husband would love to join you, but he’s only available on the weekend so could you change the date. She’ll probably say no. You could ask her if her husband has an issue with your husband and pray that she’s honest with you. But then you have to be prepared for the answer.
You could say something like, “I’m getting the impression that your husband isn’t a fan of mine. Is that why you always invite me alone during the week?” She may say you’ve hit the nail on the head. She may say that her husband doesn’t like you, and that’s why you come during the week when he’s not there. She may say she thought you enjoyed the break from your hubby and that you’re the only friend available during the week.
Who knows what she’ll say. You just have to be prepared for her answer, whatever it is, and then you need to decide if it’s worth it. If your husband has managed on his own for those few summer days, over these last four years, why rock the boat?
Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight…. I’ve been wishing the same wish for as long as I can remember and it’s never come true. But I fear that if I change my wish, I’m showing disbelief in the system and then no matter what I wish for, it will never come true. So, do I just keep wishing for the same wish?
Wish Upon a star
Some people believe in superstitious behaviour, such as, wishing on an eyelash and blowing, wishing on the first star, a shooting star, birthday cake candle wishes, etc., etc. Some people will say they wish for different things all the time; others will say they wish for one thing until it comes true and then they wish for something else.
It’s all very personal.
I can tell you this: if you never left your house, but wished to meet your soulmate on every star, you may be wishing for an eternity. Our wishes need to have some basis in reality or they’ll never come true and you’ll either become obsessed or a disbeliever.
If you’ve been wishing for the same thing forever and it’s never come true, maybe tailor it to be more realistic so it can come true. That’s not to say I don’t believe in magic, or that you shouldn’t have any big dreams. But you don’t want to be the camel who wished he could fly.
FEEDBACK Regarding the honest friend (May 22):
Reader – “I totally agree that at 39 with no money, married and living in a basement, he needs to find work and plan for the future.
“What I disagree with is how the friend responded. He was correct in listening and letting him talk, but he was never asked for his opinion or what his thoughts were. If he wanted to say something it should have been done during the conversation and not by text. He should have told him exactly what he wrote to you - that he felt he’s smart and talented and if he needs help, he was there for him.
“Sometimes people are just looking to talk and not necessarily wanting an opinion. The big question then is, why send a text? I can see why he was offended.”
Lisi – One can argue that he did just listen but then felt he needed to give his friend a nudge.