Every year, my extended family rent a cottage for four months, from June to the end of September. My in-laws usually move up for September as the rest of us have children in school and work. June is usually reserved for my sister and sister-in-law who live in the U.K. and need some down time in the country prior to the hectic summer.

My two brothers and I split the main summer months, each with approximately three weeks, but we often choose to overlap. And usually, we’re all very flexible, just happy to have this place all summer.

There was some issue this year with one of my nephews, so there was a week that no one could really use the cottage. I have a few friends I thought would enjoy the getaway, so I invited them up. I was already there, so after my family left, I waited for my friends.

They didn’t arrive on the expected day, and neither were answering the phone. I finally got through to the third guest, who told me the other two had cancelled, so she thought I had cancelled! Now I’m here alone, which I don’t love, and wondering who started the rumour and what to do now?

Ghost Cottage

There’s some miscommunication happening, but it sounds strange because why would your friends cancel without telling you? And why would the third not confirm the cancellation?

It’s up to you how you proceed: you could just walk away knowing they’re clearly not your besties; you could try your hardest to get in touch with them and ask what happened; or, and this is what I would do, I’d invite a few other people up (there are plenty of people who would join you!), and you could send the others a message saying that you don’t know why they cancelled without informing you, but it was very rude and unnecessary!

My brother and I have just rented an apartment together, leaving home for the first time, though we were both away for part of our university years. We managed to find somewhere with two equal-sized bedrooms that works for both of us.

While we were gathering things we need, our parents gave us a bunch of dishes, mugs and glassware, as well as some furniture. My brother insisted that he get the bed frame and the night table. I don’t care either way because our parents said they would give us the one bed and buy us the other.

The bed from home is a double, and my parents bought me a queen. Now he’s saying it’s not fair that I have a bigger bed! But I chose this bed and the sheets and duvet and have no interest in switching. How can I make it clear to him that he can’t always get what he wants?

Made your bed….

Your brother sounds as though he suffers from the greener grass syndrome, as in, he always wants what others have because he thinks it’s better than what he has. But in this case, you conceded the furniture that your parents offered and took the consolation prize.

Your brother needs to learn that, as you say, he won’t always get what he wants when he wants it. I feel it’s important you lay down some ground rules for living together or all your childhood habits will simply move with you to this new home.

Talk to him as an equal housemate, not as a brother (though I’m unclear which of you is older, younger or if you’re twins). Come up with basic issues, point form, and discuss. Good luck!

FEEDBACK Regarding concerned neighbour (May 22):

Reader – “Concerned Neighbour should mind her own business. We don’t need to medicalize every childhood difficulty. Mostly, they pass.

“When I was a small child, and into my teens, I too was terrified of insects. As you eloquently put it, ‘They’re just ick.’ My parents accepted my fear and never made a thing about it. I think they viewed it as a normal, if irritating, phase, like being a picky eater. And, gradually, I grew out of it.

“Making a fuss would just have made things worse for me and led me to hate being outside even more.  Mind you, at 77, I still consider myself blessed to have a husband who deals fearlessly with the giant spiders that invade our house every fall. Yes, I still think they are ick!”

Unconcerned 

Lisi - I agree on all accounts. There are times when I’m alone, or with someone more scared and I rise to the occasion, but ICK!