My wife and I grew up in the same small town, with all the same friends and a million cousins. There are literally no secrets here. We were good friends in high school, remained friends throughout university, and got together on one of our many trips home during school vacation. We were both home that summer working, solidified our relationship and lasted through our final year of university long-distance.

We are best friends, teenage lovers, married partners and responsible co-parents. We have lots of fun together and weather every storm by leaning into each other.

Recently, however, we’ve hit a bump. My sister is unwell and needs support. I’m finding it very difficult to incorporate her needs into my busy life. For the first time ever, my wife is disappointed in me.

How do we overcome this hurdle?

Wonderful Wife

You and your wife do well when you work together. Sit down and brainstorm, comparing your sister’s needs with your schedules, capabilities and resources. I also suggest that you show your true feelings to your wife because I believe this is frightening for you and that’s what is perhaps holding you back. Once you can vocalize that fear, you can move past it. Your sister needs you.

My family is super toxic, and super poor. They put everything they had into my brother because they don't think women are equal. He peaked early in athletics.

I left home at a very young age for multiple reasons. In his late 30s he got a woman pregnant; but after she met the family, she dumped him and moved far away. She lives with her nice, middle-class family and from what I can tell, has done a great job raising my niece. My brother is a grifter and doesn't always pay child support, so she denies him access.

I'm proud of him for trying to be a good dad but he's not; he's like our dad. They both hate women. They call her “the bitch” and when I told them not to say that about the mother of his daughter/granddaughter, they ignored me. Last summer, he had a secret visit and told my family they couldn't tell me. I was hurt and angry. My brother has since stopped talking to me. So, I've never met my niece. She’s almost a teenager.

I’d like to contact my niece’s mum and tell her I've always wanted to meet her and be part of her life. If I do this, my violent brother will be very angry - but he's already not speaking to me, which has caused further rifts with my parents who have always betrayed me.

When my niece was young, I sent gifts and money, but when my brother wouldn't even say thank you or acknowledge the gifts, I became worried he was using the money to buy drugs and stopped sending anything. I feel guilty but at the same time, my brother has never given me any gifts and hasn't even said happy birthday to me for three decades. We don't see each other at the holidays.

I would like to know my niece, or at least, I’d like her to know that I WANT to know her.

Anguished Auntie

As her biological aunt, there should be no harm in reaching out to your niece’s mom. But I suggest having zero expectations of her response. You have no idea what your brother has been telling her all these years.

My only concern is your mention of your “violent” brother and how this will anger him. Make sure that he does NOT know where you live or work, and that your safety is ensured. Before you reach out, you could contact 211, a free, confidential resource that could connect you to local community and social services. These organizations could help you create a preemptive safety plan.

FEEDBACK Regarding the tween running around naked (March 16):

Reader – “Why is she doing this if it upsets her brother? Is there a deeper problem: attention-seeking, boundary issues or perhaps a cry for help because of some inappropriate behaviour by an adult in her life? Someone may need to have an honest and confidential conversation with her to discover the real reason behind her behaviour.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the fur baby (April 1):
Reader – “I never judge people by the mistakes they make because EVERYONE makes mistakes. I judge based on how they react and correct. This dog walker took immediate action, communicated with everyone involved and took responsibility. What more would you expect she do?

“Would you rather she tries to hide what happened? I would also imagine that she’ll be taking additional precautions to ensure a repeat experience doesn’t occur.  Accordingly, I would be MORE reassured and say she deserves a tip and good recommendations.”