I am a mature student, studying my second degree, in a program outside of my home country. I found my basement apartment online, had a friend check it out first, and then agreed to a one-year lease.

My landlady is a lovely older auntie type person; kind, caring and generous with her home. We rarely see each other, unless we pass each other on our way out the front. Occasionally, she’ll tell me that she heard me (a week ago) playing my music loudly, but she never complains in real time.

Last month she sent me a notice that she would like to get some of her outdoor furniture out of the cellar, which is only accessible from my apartment. She had mentioned this when I first signed the lease, so it wasn’t a complete surprise. And she gave me a few days’ notice, and thoughtfully said she would go in when she knew I would be out at school, so as not to bother me.

I was shocked when I came home and found that she’d cleaned all my dirty dishes and pots and pans that were piled in the sink. I am so angry, but I’m staying quiet. She even left a note saying she hoped this little clean up would be helpful.

And then she invited me upstairs and told me she wouldn’t renew my lease. What did I do???

Enraged tenant

What I’m hearing is that your landlady overstepped her boundaries, but not purposefully or maliciously. You could have surmised that from her note which clearly stated her intention to help.

She must have seen something in your apartment that caused her concern enough that she no longer wants you as a tenant. I couldn’t begin to guess what that could be, but I’m sure you know well enough.

Decide if you’d like to renew; if not, walk away at the end of your lease with no regrets. If yes, address the issue head on. For example, I’m sorry I left my bag of marijuana out for you to find. It’s legal, but I won’t smoke inside the house. Or whatever. Show her that you are, indeed, a mature student.

I have known my friend since we were 10 years old. Even though I suspected she fabricated grandiose stories about herself back then, I’ve remained friends with her way into adulthood, dismissing her falsehoods as a passing phase of childhood. I sincerely thought we were best friends for many years.

We meet regularly, and I also took her to her chemo treatments and provided support during her divorce. In recent years, we’ve grown apart because she avoided talking deeply about her romantic interests and latched onto other friends with whom she travels, wines, and dines.

Meanwhile I started hearing gossip from mutual friends about her, such as cheating in games, flirting with married men, and using her charm to get benefits and favours from people. Unsolicited, a respected friend said that she’s always had doubts about her sincerity and integrity. My husband thinks that the gossipy friend is part of the problem. But I’m also distancing myself because I’ve started seeing her through a new lens.

I find it difficult to engage in meaningful conversation with her. I’ve seen her mean streak and generally find her phony and self-serving. Am I stupid to have missed that over the years? While I’m saddened by the disillusionment and have lost some faith in my judgment, I’m also looking for true friendship as I grieve whatever relationship I had with her.

Disillusioned Friend

At 10 years old, your thought process made sense of your friend’s embellishments. You grew together and were a supportive friend with decades of good times together.

Now you’ve both changed – through maturity, marriage, divorce and health issues. That’s OK. No, you weren’t stupid to have missed the signs; you couldn’t have known.

Grieve and move on.

FEEDBACK Regarding campaigning for divorce (March 27):

Reader – “Why don't the parents learn what it's like to be autistic, instead of heavily judgmental? Why don't they learn so they can understand how to better help? And why do people make neurodivergent people the overwhelming ‘bad guy.’ And lastly, maybe instead of judgment they'd be better off suggesting that the grandchildren get tested!”

Reader #2 – “Autism Canada provides tools and strategies to help anyone thrive with their neurodiversity. The website offers online information, strategies and contact with actual counsellors for the person with autism, their family and friends. Perhaps instead of anticipating ending the relationship, the in-laws can gain a new perspective and strategies that will be helpful for them.”