Not quite two years ago, while at my brother`s cottage, I got angry at both my brother and sister-in-law.  It did not end well as my brother wanted to fight me, which I did not do. I acted out of frustration mainly and I told them I do not have schizophrenia. I was diagnosed many years ago as schizophrenic.

About 15 years ago, a naturopathic doctor said he did three tests with me, and he indicated that for me to have schizophrenia all three tests should have been positive and only two of the tests were positive.  He said he thinks I have depression.  Furthermore, my brother`s son`s wife, narrowed it down further and said she thinks I have PTSD.

Living with a false diagnosis for many years is frustrating and this frustration was the reason for my being angry at the cottage.  However, I am barred from their cottage and most likely their home.  Any suggestions on how I can deal with this situation.

Misdiagnosed

I have no doubt that being misdiagnosed has made you frustrated. However, I strongly suggest you seek a second opinion and a definitive diagnosis. Your nephew’s wife thinks you have PTSD, but is this her area of expertise? And your naturopath diagnosed you 15 years ago. It’s time for an update and a true expert opinion.

Ask to meet up with your brother and his wife, somewhere where you can talk. Apologize for your actions at the cottage. Explain to them calmly what you think has happened. Ask them for their help in getting you a current diagnosis. Tell them you love them and need them and want to be family.

I am hoping to get your thoughts on the following situation that has developed between my partner and I. We are both widows, in a loving relationship, and living together for the past five years. We both have adult children who are very happy that their parents have found love again. Recently, my partner was filling out a form that asked about family. He did not consider me as family, even though we held a private commitment ceremony four years ago.

Am I being overly sensitive about being hurt by this? I'm not sure that I can get past this and move forward in this relationship.

Your advice and insights would be appreciated.

Hurting widow

That is so hurtful! I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive. Have you spoken to your partner about this? Was his form asking questions regarding medical history and biology? If so, then you are not his biological family. But if the form was about connections and relationships, then I believe that yes, especially after a ceremony in line with a wedding, you are absolutely family.

I’m curious to hear what your partner’s response was when you confronted him.

In any case, I believe you need to sit down and ask him how he feels about you, what he anticipates for the future as far as your relationship goes, and how he considers you, if not as family. It’s also very important to understand your “status,” especially as you two age. Do you have a plan in place? Do you have wills organized?

Not to doom-spiral, but what happens if something untoward happens to either one of you? You don’t want to find yourself on the street because the house was in his name or vice versa. You two need to sit down and figure this out.

FEEDBACK Regarding “unseasoned” (Feb. 21):

Reader – “She was blindsided.  I sympathize as I was in a similar situation many years ago. She needs someone to talk to because the anger, shock, embarrassment, and sense of ‘what will I do now’ need to be sorted out.  A good friend can help, but sometimes a professional is less emotional.  Let her good friends support her, spoil her, care about her.  She may have some women friends who have dropped out of her friend group due to divorce.  Those are the women who will understand her situation most clearly and may be most supportive.   She may lose some other married friends as her life evolves, but she’ll develop new ones with similar interests.

“She needs to have something to do.  She’s been a busy woman and now she sees her life as having been stopped cold. Volunteering is always good to get herself out of her own head. There are many places who could use a woman with her skills.”