My neighbours one house over have recently moved in. They’re a group of young 30-somethings - a couple and a roommate. They’re lovely, respectful and have a cute puppy. The roommate and the girlfriend both work outside of the house and I see them coming and going at regular hours. The boyfriend works from home, walks the dog and does all the cooking. I only know that because I bumped into him at the grocery store once.
My only issue is that they are all part of a band, which includes two or three other band members. When they are all together and jamming, the sound is unbearable. It’s very loud, very noisy and extremely irritating.
How can I get them to practice somewhere else?
Not my jam
In your longer letter, you mentioned the type of music this group plays. Arguably, it is not a soothing, soft type of music, and I can understand how you describe it as noisy and irritating. Unfortunately, this is partially a you problem, simply because the music isn’t to your taste. If it was, you may not be complaining.
However, regardless, there is a noise bylaw in the city, and in most suburbs. You could gently remind them of this bylaw and ask them to stay within the time allowance for music. You could also suggest they close their windows when they play, to decrease the noise.
Your approach will make all the difference. Be thoughtful and kind when speaking to them.
About a month ago, I bumped into a woman with whom I used to be very close friends. We had lost touch due to a move, a life stage, an illness and a silly argument. Every once in a while, I’d think of her and reach out with a text. My tech would show that the message had been delivered. But it never showed it had been read. I didn’t think much of it because I was just reaching out and I wasn’t waiting for her reply. If it happened, great; if not, then not.
We had a friendly exchange and then I thought I’d ask about the text messages. She said she hadn’t received any. I asked if I still had the right number and read it out to her. Her partner was there, a new person I had never met, and chimed in with a resounding yes, that was her number.
I showed her my texts, she exclaimed it was strange, and said she’d reach out. I never heard from her. Am I wasting my time?
Friends no more
Yes, you’re wasting your time and energy. She’s not interested, I’m sorry to say. She has made it abundantly clear by her lack of reaching out over the years (if she did, you didn’t mention), and her lack of acknowledgement of your text messages. It is possible, though it seems improbable, that she wouldn’t have received any of your messages especially since you confirmed you have the correct number.
Let it go. Not every friendship is supposed to last forever. Many do, which is a beautiful thing. But many don’t. Remember the good times you shared and move on. Find new friends to enjoy your life with, make memories with, and laugh with. It’s her loss, not yours.
FEEDBACK Regarding the clock running out (June 6):
Reader – “I would seek legal advice now. Sounds like they are already common-law, which comes with many legal ramifications.
"I recently attended a presentation on estates. I was surprised to learn that succession laws do NOT include a common law partner. Legally the common law spouse doesn’t exist, from estate perspective, and other relatives will get everything.
“I would be very surprised if they have wills. She could get nothing if he should pass. If he doesn’t have a will, or if she isn’t named beneficiary, does she still want to stay with him, especially if he also doesn’t want children or a formal commitment?
“If not, 40 is not too late to leave and start new chapter in her life with someone else.”
Lisi – I feel as though you’re focused on the wrong issue. Her question was about having children, not being left out of his will/estate.