One of my very good friends has started dating my ex-boyfriend. To be honest, I’m just not sure how I feel about it. We were together eight months, and I really liked him. We broke up but saw each other often because we were at school together. After another four months, he graduated and moved back home. We didn’t see or speak to each other for six months.

Two months later, my friend sent me a message on social saying she had hung out with my ex twice and asked if I was OK with it. She said she hoped so because we’d already been broken up for over a year. I said it was fine.

But now they’ve been together six months and it’s so not fine. I hate her! She was so wrong to have started up with my ex. Do I ever have to speak to either of them again?

Not my Sis

There is a saying, “sisters before misters,” which means that women should put their friendships and their female bond before any desire to be with any man. I say, yes, but –

There must be a statute of limitations on that saying. Your ex deserves happiness (as much as you do) and that includes being in a relationship.

You say this woman is a very good friend…. Is she? Or is she just part of your gang? A bestie wouldn’t do that to you, no matter what. On the other hand, you were together less than a year, and you’ve been apart more than a year. I don’t think either of them should feel guilty.

You need to move on. You don’t have to speak to either of them again, but that’s petty and immature. You don’t have to be friends, just be friendly if you ever see them.

Now focus on enjoying your life, hanging out with your friends, and perhaps finding love elsewhere.

I’ve just had a baby, and I feel as though everyone expects me to be “normal” again. When I was pregnant, everyone was so nice to me. Strangers would hold doors, offer to help with groceries, neighbours brought over food, etc. Walking around with a stroller, which is by far more difficult to manage than a protruding belly, no one holds the door, no one offers help, no one thinks life is difficult.

But it is! I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around everything. My in-laws come over and are surprised I don’t have appetizers out for them to nibble. They’re shocked I don’t have a dinner in the oven.

My husband is lovely, warm, caring and isn’t concerned with any of that. But now that the baby is two months old, he’s ready to get naked with me and I’m not sure I am. I feel gross – overweight, fluffy, sweaty and my breasts are heavy and full of milk. Sometimes I feel sexy, but it goes away quickly. I do NOT want to get pregnant again now. But I don’t want to repeatedly reject my husband. What do I do?

Postpartum intimacy

There are many ways to be intimate without intercourse; there are also many forms of birth control you could use (consult your OB/GYN). Your husband needs to know how you feel, so he knows it’s NOT about him.

Many women have low estrogen after giving birth which can affect your libido. As well, when your baby depends on your breasts for sustenance, they can temporarily become disassociated from your sexual body, which can make you not want your husband to touch them. This is also a very normal response to breastfeeding.

Talk to your husband. Tell him HONESTLY how you feel. Work through this together. It’ll bring you even closer.

FEEDBACK Regarding the wife of the depressed husband (May 17):
Reader – “He’s been a walking shadow since his sister died six years prior. He hasn’t laughed or smiled in years. She became suspicious as he’s recently been laughing and happy.

“I suspect the main reason he’s miserable at home is her.  Being a decent man, provider and father but never good enough wears you down. The death of a loved one can bring your own mortality and life into focus.

“He needs to hear this: you've done your duty and deserve happiness, laughter and smiles. As you suggested, joint counselling is a must if they decide to stay together. Given her complete lack of concern for over six years, joint counselling may be a long-shot. He must make his mental health a priority for himself and their adult children.  Life is too short to stay in an unhealthy marriage.”