I’m really grieving the very recent death of my sister who made the choice to have a medically assisted death (MAID). She was diagnosed with a serious type of cancer less than six months ago.

My sister was still able to have some decent quality of life. She was able to shower on her own; she did not need any assistance with her mobility; and she had lots of family who loved and cared about her.

She and I were very close, and I just can’t reconcile the fact that she chose to leave this world, and me. In other words, I can’t agree with her dying this way. As a result, I’m being made to feel as though I would rather she suffered. But that’s not it at all!

I just happen to think that as long as there is life (not a life that is dangerously near death), then it should be a treasured time.

Do you have many questions from your readers on this issue?

Unacceptable

I don’t receive many questions about MAID, but I’m happy to address yours. MAID became a legal process in 2016 to allow people to end their suffering by ending their own lives, with the help of a healthcare worker and proper medication. There are strict criteria outlining who is eligible, including a voluntary request, informed consent and a “grievous and irremediable medical condition causing unbearable suffering that cannot be relieved.” And one must be at least 18 years old.

From this description, it is clear that your sister knew exactly what she was doing. And even though it appeared to you that she could shower independently and was mobile, perhaps those were the only things she could do, or she was in excruciating pain while she did them. Either way, she made the choice and met the criteria.

Instead of holding her accountable post-mortem, I suggest you get some professional help to navigate your grief, perhaps your guilt, and learn how to live your life without your sister by your side. I’m very sorry for your loss.

I recently bumped into a woman who seemed excited to see me, but when we continued the conversation post, “Hi, how are you?” she seemed less and less interested in my responses.

I’m confused. If you aren’t interested in having a conversation, why get all excited when you see me? She could have said hello and kept walking. She could have walked right past me because I didn’t see her, and it was obvious when she said hello that I hadn’t seen her.

I was happy to see her, but we were never good friends, so the encounter wasn’t the most exciting thing for me either. However, I wasn’t rude! What gives?

Uninterested

Some people just want to say hi to everyone they see, which is nice, in theory. But those same people may just want to say “how are you” as a form of phatic speech. Meaning, they’re not really that interested in talking to you or getting to know you. They don’t want your honest response; it was simply a rhetorical question.

If you weren’t bothered about her, you could have responded with, “Great! Nice to see you,” and kept on walking. The truth is you didn’t care what her response was either.

Learn to read the room a bit better and you won’t feel rejected when this happens again.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person who got stood up (April 11):

Reader – “You told her not to be embarrassed. Isn’t that negating her feelings?”

Lisi –She has a right to feel anyway she wants. I wanted her to know that she wasn’t the first or the last person this would happen to, and not to internalize it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple too hot to quit (April 12):

Reader #1 – “Why do you two have to classify yourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend? You love the sex, so enjoy it. You didn’t state why you can’t be together, so I’m assuming it’s an emotional connection.

“I am not a huge proponent of a Friends with Benefits type of relationship, but it sounds like this might be best for this couple.”

Reader #2 – “Best.  Answer.  Ever.

“My 79-year-old partner and my 79-year-old self heartily agree that life is way too short not to have fun, as you so delicately put it.”