I’m a single woman, 31, who met a man online. We got to know each other slowly, which gave me trust that he was sincere.
We shared a lot about ourselves and our previous relationships. After weeks of chatting, we met for long walks wearing masks and staying distanced. We were both frustrated and finally had great sex at my place.
It happened twice more, still great. Later, he texted me that “it’s over.” He blocked me on Facebook, his email and phone, without further explanation.
Now I hate him and can’t trust my own judgement! How could he behave so cruelly? Was sex his only goal? How can I ever trust a man again?
His ghosting shows he’s a coward. His text explaining nothing revealed his meanness. This level of intentional emotional cruelty is thankfully uncommon.
Focus on re-booting your self-confidence. Trust will return over time. When dating, meeting someone’s friends and having yours meet him, even if virtually, can help you learn more about the person.
Reader’s Commentary “My husband and I wouldn’t still be together if we hadn’t had lots of help from counselors during our long marriage.
“Besides Family Services counselors (sliding scale rates), we also benefitted from family and career counselors, some through our Employee Assistance Plans.
“I also recommend Worldwide Marriage Encounter, for couples’ counseling that’s non-denominational, although normally run by volunteer couples through various churches and denominations. Anyone can take part (virtually during Covid).
“To us, a weekend of this approach was invaluable, providing the tools/opportunity to explore every aspect of a marriage. We learned to recognize and acknowledge emotions and communicate feelings to one another in a loving manner.
“There’s a Rediscovery program for couples who’ve separated, divorced or are contemplating either. Another weekend program is for people considering marriage.”
Ellie - I have no personal connection with this organization but published this reader’s account because of the positive approaches described.
From the website https://wwme.org there’s a definite Christian faith connection to the counselling, which connects couples to a priest as part of some of its sessions.
And it states, “though it’s not a prayer retreat, it has been a conversion experience for many.”
Other religions also offer pastoral counselling regarding marriage, grief, and other personal issues, which can be very beneficial to those who seek that connection to their own faith.
There are also very successful therapy approaches that are totally secular, practiced by graduated therapy students of their founders, Drs. John and Julie Gottman of the The Gottman Institute and Terrence Real’s Relational Life Therapy practiced by trained therapists in many countries.
For my perspective, whatever counselling approach a couple finds that works for them in reviving and strengthening their connection to a loving life together, is worth a serious try when needed.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man with many health issues who fears that his wife may be poisoning him in order to receive his life insurance policy (March 5):
Reader – “I’m a Urologic surgeon. This gentleman should be worked up for a pheochromocytoma. It can cause most of the symptoms he’s describing and can be life threatening.
“I suspect this work-up may have already occurred as he has seen numerous physicians, but this condition is often diagnosed late as it is quite rare.”
Reader #2 – “His doctor needs to send him to an Endocrinologist so that he can be investigated for pheochromocytoma. It’s a rare, difficult-to-diagnose, physiological cause for many of the described symptoms.”
While I’d wish there never was a pandemic, my husband and I moved into a smooth working partnership during it.
We both were already working from home. We’re healthy, in our 60s, and live near grocery and drug stores.
But reaching the one-year mark has still taken a toll. We’re bickering over small things, especially when sharing bigger tasks like cooking several meals ahead and a weekly house-cleaning. We’re each giving instructions, then arguing over them.
It divides us and leaves a period of tension. How do we overcome this bad pattern?
You’re luckier than you appreciate, both still earning, and with conveniences nearby adding opportunities to walk outside and buy necessities.
Partnership over chores is an added bonus, but it fails when you’re both attempting control.
Split up for separate activities - e.g. One preps the food to cook, the other does laundry - and/or create a soothing background by playing music you both enjoy.
Tip of the day:
Don’t let someone else’s nasty behaviour affect your own self-worth. Move on.