My wife and I met eight years ago, married for six years, second marriage for both. She brought a son whom I love very much; my three daughters are all married, have full-time jobs, their own homes, and I have four grandchildren so far.
My wife’s 44, I’m 62. When we met, she was very persistent, as I resisted because of our age difference. Eventually though, I fell in love, and am still in love with her.
However, I have a tremendous sex drive, and for the first four years or so, so did she. But hers has since begun to dissolve, and now she doesn't get there any more and doesn't want it at all.
I’m very frustrated to the point of considering separation. She says that her doctor says that she’s in menopause. That’s what contributed to tearing apart my first marriage of 28 years.
I’ve asked her to see a counselor, which she has declined. She’s suggested a number of times that I find someone else to have sex with. I’ve declined in the hopes that she’d change back to the way she was before.
I don't know what else to do now, and I cannot live like this without regular sex.
Something’s strange here. Menopause does not automatically cancel a woman’s libido. Many women enjoy sex even more – with no need for birth control - once they learn to handle some of the symptoms.
Even in cases of heavy night sweats and vaginal dryness, there are alternative therapies and creams that ease these effects. And there are hormone therapies that scientific research has proven not worrisome for women who do not have a family history of breast cancer. As your partner, your wife should be at least willing to explore these potential treatments with a doctor who specializes in menopause. She needs real information on this, not just counselling to “fix” her, which seems to be how you see it.
If she’s not willing, it’s the marriage, not the menopause.
Perhaps your approach to your sex drive becomes off-putting, without showing compassion for the very real physical/emotional symptoms a woman feels at this time.
If so, counselling could benefit you, and might help her see that if you’re making efforts towards a more balanced sex life, so should she. Cuddling, stroking, and understanding during this time will also help.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost ten years. She’s very easily angered and hates my mother. She regularly states this, and it becomes a fight between us, usually just over her hating my mom's presence.
She's become very abusive physically, mentally, and emotionally. She's always saying she hates my family and doesn't want to be around them, especially my mom, and hates it when I randomly stop at my mom’s house.
She constantly tells me we’re not going to live with my family; we’re going to live alone or else.
I love her dearly, but how do I deal with this when she just hates my family? I feel as if I'm starting to dislike her because of this.
Torn Between Son and Boyfriend
Save yourself. No one should tolerate repeated physical, mental, and emotional abuse. End this relationship, as she has no respect for you.
Even if your mother and the rest of your family contribute to some of the animosity, your girlfriend doesn’t seem to make any attempt to accept them, fights with you about their very presence, and challenges your right to even see your mom. She’s a bully.
My marriage of eight years is a mess.
My wife is living one life, while I’m trying to build a family. We have three kids, but nothing’s changed from the day I met her. I’m still sorting out the same kinds of stupid problems we had three years ago.
I tried getting professional help but she didn’t finish its course. I’m thinking of divorce. I don’t have a life. She doesn’t trust me.
With little detail here, the biggest “clue” to problems is distrust from a woman dealing with three children arriving within eight years. She may still feel overwhelmed, depressed, or resentful, especially if she was insecure from the start.
It’s hard to live with constant jealousy and accusations, but divorce is hard on everyone, too. Talk to her, say you’re at the breaking point, urge her to get back to counselling with you, or go alone.
Tip of the day:
During menopause changes, both partners need to explore what can work sexually.