I’m in love with a great guy! We’ve started this fantastic relationship and moved in together. Our families think this relationship is great for both of us.
But I see from your readers a lot of concerns about socio-economic differences. I have an office job and he works in construction. I have post-secondary education, and he has high school.
We make approximately the same money and I’ve never felt better than him. I don't believe he feels that we’re unequal.
When there are socio-economic differences, do they have long-term ramifications for couples?
Only those readers who feel “unequal” are the ones who write me. You’re questioning whether this can become a problem, and of course, that depends on attitude.
Since the two of you, and both families, feel this is a great match, it’s unlikely you’ll grow apart based on a difference in education.
However, to ease your mind, here are two pitfalls to avoid:
1) If you have different tastes in reading, music, entertainment, know that this is as much a result of exposure, as education.
And a healthy difference (i.e. no one thinking the other is lesser or better) can enrich your life together as you learn about new things.
2) If construction work slows down, or if you get a promotion in your field and earn a lot more, this does not have to divide you, it’s just something to which you have to adjust. Lots of couples with similar education levels end up with different earning power.
I'm 53, divorced, with two married daughters. I'm highly educated and still have a great body.
I met this man online on a seniors’ site. He’s 62, charming, funny, smart, travelled the world, retired at 47, was married for 25 years, and has been divorced for 15, with no children.
I live in Canada, and he lives in America. He sent me the first message - saying he wanted to settle down, and to be in a serious relationship if it's meant to be.
He says he met with several women and dated them on and off, for between six to 12 months.
We met online nearly four years ago and through all these years, we Skype, and he asks for more pictures... and we Skype again.
We never met in person.
Eighteen months ago he decided to visit me in Canada, booked a ticket, but sent a message the next day, “Too far, too expensive. Shop on your side of the fence." I ended it.
Ten months later we spotted each other’s comments online about a hotel. He emailed me and asked where I’d been all these months. He says he still keeps all my pictures and is still in love with me!
He started to Skype with me again. And again, no plans to meet in person.
I don’t understand what's wrong with this man - is he old, is he crazy, is he addicted to pictures and Skype? All the other men I talk to want to meet within a month.
Lost and Confused
He’s lonely and likes the contact. But he’s no world traveller anymore. He weighed the expense of visiting you, then perhaps courting you over time, and decided, “too far, and too expensive.”
You could take a risk and visit him, but only if you have strong feelings for him and feel ready to move there, because he’s not coming to you. But you sound too independent to be “stuck” with someone because he won’t spend money for “love.”
I say, forget him.
I like to invite families to join our kids and us at the cottage. We’re generous and, being on a lake, provide boating, swimming, fishing, etc. However, some people’s “guest manners” shock me!
They’ll come in a family of four or five, and bring nothing other than chips, cookies, and some cheese sticks they ate on the road.
What’s a polite way to ask them to bring some food to share the costs and preparation?
Not a Hotel
Write a straightforward, but polite “Memo to Cottage Guests.” Email this when you invite a family, so they know what you expect, and can then decide if they’re accepting.
Write something like this:
“We’d love to have your company and hope you’ll share in the meal purchasing and preparation as well as the fun.
“Please bring one day’s lunch and dinner needs for all of us, and we’ll provide the rest.”
Tip of the day:
Education differences between spouses only become problematic if attitudes differ.