I’ve been talking to this man online for months. He lives in another country, but we’ve developed a closeness I’ve never felt before. He calls me “honey,” and says he’s fallen in love with my sweetness.

Some people say this could be a scam, but he hasn’t asked me for anything. He’s hoping to be accepted to come here to be with me. I’ve seen pictures of his mother, and of the house where they live. I don’t know what I can “snoop” to find out anything different about him.

Happy Honey

Anyone who’s warning you about the possibility of an online scam, also wants you to be happy. So it’s wise, while dealing with distance, to be wary.

One way of testing his reaction (a lot more direct than “snooping”) is to tell him you wish to meet soon, so you can go visit him, but you need help with the airfare.

His reaction to your request may reveal all you need to know. A generous response means he’s not after your financial help. A desire to have you visit - but you’d have to come up with your own funds - signals he’s sincere about wanting to be with you.

It’s worth trying to do this check, because there ARE some signals of a scam, including his desire to travel to you, which requires such a long wait, that if he does request financial help, you’re primed to offer it.

By turning this plan around, you’ll catch him off guard. If he shows you he’s sincere, you’d see a lot more than just a picture of where and how he lives, and have a better sense of whether you two could work out a life together.

My daughter’s 38, has a good job, divorced three years ago and has no children. As her mother, I worried while she was dating online because she’d tell stories of meeting some weird men. Everyone else laughed at her “adventures,” but I was just glad that she knew how to take care of herself and dropped those men right away.

Recently, she met a man who said he was about to leave his wife. To my surprise, she believed him and they hit it off like fireworks. Within one month, he’d rented his own place. He and my daughter are now inseparable.

It’s all too soon for me to feel totally sure of this man though he seems decent, and crazy about her. She’s made him a part of our family life. She brings him along on visits with me, and had him at her place for a Father’s Day breakfast, so it was clear he slept over.

Should I be embracing him like he’s my future son-in-law, or holding back?

Uncertain Mom

Your daughter’s proven to be sensible and responsible, so follow her lead. You don’t have to consider him a son-in-law yet, but there’s no reason not to be welcoming and open-minded.

They’ve become close and intimate in a whirlwind romance, but they’re obviously both confident enough about it to share their time with family.

That’s a far better sign than if she were scooting off with him whenever possible and missing family events to be alone.

Be supportive, but also be natural. As her mother, you’ll love him more and more as they stay together. Right now you only have to like him and be pleasant with him.

I didn’t want to know my guy was cheating even though I guessed it. He’s very good-looking, and very successful, so there are always women around. Some of them will flirt even when I’m beside him!

He wouldn’t even be cautious, like telling me he had to be out of town overnight, then being seen by a friend of mine at a restaurant here.

Finding the email that set up that fling was easy. But I said nothing. Not until I’d seen a lawyer and learned what I could claim as a three-year live-in partner. Then I had the lawyer confront him, not me. Snooping’s just part of taking care of business.

Your tough-minded response isn’t surprising, given his flagrant cheating. Sounds like you started this relationship with a sense of what you could get from this guy, if he wasn’t faithful.

Maybe next time you’ll look for someone who’s more likely to be loyal.