My best friend, with whom I’ve been friends for 40 years, since we were 15, was recently in an accident. She was hit by a truck while cycling in the country. It was a hit-and-run and we’re only lucky that someone else drove by shortly after and saw her lying on the road. But during the time she lay there, she lacked oxygen to her brain and now has both physical and mental deficiencies.

She knows who I am, who her children are, and her husband. But she doesn’t remember many other people. She can no longer work, and she was a high-powered film executive. Her physical disabilities don’t hinder her basic daily movements, but she tires easily, so she can’t do much activity, and she was an avid cyclist.

I’m trying to spend as much time with her as possible, but it’s difficult with my busy work schedule and my own active family. I’m worried about her and don’t know how to help. Her husband keeps saying they’re fine, but…… I know they were having serious marital issues prior to the accident.

What can I do?

Worried Friend

You say you’re friend knows who you are. Talk to her. Take her for a walk, away from her husband, and ask her directly what she needs and wants. Tell her to be brutally honest with you. Perhaps she needs a caregiver, to remove the burden from her husband. Perhaps she needs a therapist to talk to about how her life has changed so dramatically. Maybe she needs a driver to help with her children or getting her to appointments, so she doesn’t feel she needs to ask her husband or spend more time with him than she’d like.

Doing the legwork to get her the help she needs is a HUGE weight off her shoulders. That can be harder than anything. As well, though you also lead a busy life, carve out a little extra time for your friend. She needs you.

I work in a large organization with many branches. Many of my coworkers have "ethnic" names, always mispronounced by others in the organization.

I know because I have a similar ethnicity and because these coworkers have shared that they just gave up on having people pronounce their names correctly. I continue to pronounce these names correctly, which is appreciated by the owner of the name.

However, I run into issues with those who continue to mispronounce these ethnic names and insist they are correct and scold ME for mispronouncing.

How should I respond in the future? This happens even after I share the preferences of the name's owner.

Miss Pronounced

I also have a name that people often mispronounce. It can be infuriating, especially after several attempts at correcting them. As a result, I often ask people how to properly pronounce their name. It’s a sensitivity for me, and sounds like for you as well.

Perhaps, in the new year, you might want to suggest to those with names that get mispronounced, that at the beginning of a meeting, they introduce themselves with a light comment how they know their name is hard to pronounce but they’d love it if everyone could try.

I would also suggest that they write the pronunciation in the sign-off of their email. People can then practice on their own, if they care to do so.

Just know that there will always be people who do not care and would mispronounce “Sam” if given the chance. Also, if someone isn’t addressing you properly, then not responding isn’t rude. Who knew they were talking to you?

FEEDBACK Regarding the flower garden kerfuffle (Oct. 7):

Reader – “The woman who reproved the mother by questioning her disregard of a neighbour’s garden was doing the scofflaw parent a favour. But throwing coffee into a person’s face - whether the coffee is hot, lukewarm or iced - is an unprovoked attack. And because the mother got away with this assault, the child isn’t going to learn respect for other people or their property.  Instead, they will learn that being rude and taking whatever you want is OK.”

Stickler for civility

Reader #2 – “Throwing iced tea at someone is assault. This is violence. Yes, the woman overstepped her bounds, but the escalation was disproportionate.

“In a perfect world, the mother would say, ‘You have a point. Thank you for your input’ and move on.

“On the other hand, perhaps you came across unintentionally as heavy-handed. Which still doesn't excuse having a beverage hurled in your direction.”