My sister is the “artsy” one, the one who’s always doing interesting things. She goes to an alternative artsy high school, and in the summers, she takes funky trips doing art all over the place. She’s super flighty, never pays attention and is always lost in her own thoughts. And my parents think she’s AMAZING!

I’m not artsy. I’m not sporty or brainy or goth. I’m just blah average. I go to the local regular high school. In the summer, I work at a local day camp and I babysit in my spare time. My parents don’t pay any attention to me and think I’m boring.

I overheard my parents saying that for Christmas they were going to surprise my sister with a trip to Paris to go to the Louvre and the Musée d’Orsay. They were actually debating whether to take me along. My dad was saying I wouldn’t appreciate it so why bring me, and my mom was saying they had to bring me because I couldn’t stay home alone, but if I said I was bored or complained she would be really annoyed. My dad said, “Agreed.”

I want to go to Paris! I want to hear everyone talking in French and eat hot croissants and fresh baguette, and drink hot chocolate out of a bowl. Just because I’m not artsy doesn’t mean I’m not interested in everything.

I wasn’t supposed to hear that conversation between my parents, so I can’t tell them I want to go along for a surprise trip I’m not supposed to know about. How do I convince them to take me without letting on that I know?

Dull Daughter

I think it’s better to be honest and tell your parents that you overheard their conversation. You don’t have to tell them you heard everything, but just the main point, that they’re planning a trip to France. Tell them you would really love to go, that you are interested in the language, the culture, the food etc. Assure them that you are looking forward to going to the museums where you imagine they plan on taking your sister. Be positive and upbeat.

And promise them that you won’t ruin the surprise for your sister because you know how happy she will be.

NOTE – I couldn’t fit this in before the holiday but responded directly to the letter-writer. The trip is planned for the week after Christmas. I hope they all get to go!

Here’s what’s going to happen on Christmas Day in my family: My mom is going to get up early, start baking and drinking coffee. The whole house will smell amazing. My older sister will go downstairs, grab a cup, and then head to the couch to check her social media. I’ll wake up shortly after her and hang out with my mom in the kitchen, helping her as she needs.

My dad will wake up, realize the time, and come downstairs angry that we’ve let him sleep in. He’ll then grab a coffee and race out the door without saying anything nice to my mom, or even thanking her for the coffee.

When my dad gets back, my brother will be just getting up and lounging on the sofa, while my sister and I are both dressed. He’ll yell at my brother to get dressed even though there’s no reason for him to move. We’ll all come to my brother’s rescue and a fight will ensue.

How can we break this cycle?

Family dynamics

On Christmas Eve, discuss with your family what everyone’s plans and expectations are for the next day. You all sound old enough to be self-sufficient. Mention that you would like a day of peace with no arguments.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who doesn’t relax (Nov. 8):

Reader – “The woman concerned that her high-achieving lawyer friend might ‘implode’ because she hasn't ‘just sat with her thoughts’ is misconstruing the situation. People with a strong need for challenge and purpose have probably tried a softer, more reflective path in life. And they hated it.

“The perpetually busy lawyer friend might in fact be coping with a depressive ailment and/or issues related to low self-esteem. When required to spend quiet time alone, her thoughts might be going to negative, scary places she'd rather not visit. The Concerned Friend should appreciate that for some people, lazy afternoons and yoga retreats aren't healing. Rather, they're the stuff of nightmares.”

Lisi – Hopefully, the friend isn’t plagued by nightmares, but rather, just enjoys a busy full life. However, we all need to release now and then, and a good friend is someone who can listen without judging.