I’ve discovered that my boyfriend of two years is still communicating with his first love, that they re-united in their 20s for two years and in their 40s for three years. We’re both 51 and this is my first relationship since my separation four years ago.     
      I learned he contacted her after years of silence because he’d heard she was going through a bad time. Since he’d told me about his other relationships, I felt deceived and that they have unfinished business.      
      He now says he’ll always have feelings for her, she’s in love with someone else, they’ll never get back together but are friends.       
      I asked to meet her so he could talk openly about her with me. He was unreceptive. He asked if he should tell me when he talks to her and I said yes, just as with his other friends. He said that felt like I was policing him.       
      Last spring, I had a hard time getting him to talk about our future; I’m not ready for living together or marriage but want to know if we’re heading in that direction. I love him and feel that he loves me, but now I’m feeling like I’m second fiddle.
      - Full of Doubt

He’s certainly playing two strings, for two options. You’ve invested full emotion into this relationship, but he’s holding on to his past as much as the present.       
      Tell him he’s made you feel insecure about the future, and that you need to consider getting to know other men … of course, just as “friends,” too.      
      Do NOT be vindictive about this, just straightforward to him and realistic for yourself. After all, if she crooked her finger, can you be sure he wouldn’t run to her?

I’m late-20s, married and love my career, but my past has come back to haunt me: Throughout my teenage years, I’d been abused sexually by my uncle. I almost committed suicide although no one in my family knows.      
      I kept the secret for 15 years because of the close relationship with my aunt and my same-age cousin. The abuse stopped once my aunt and uncle separated (for other reasons) and I no longer saw this man as often.      
      But I still receive obscene phone calls from him. I hang up immediately.       
      He’s a very likable, normal person in public. Now, my cousin is expecting a baby girl and she’s mentioned that Grandpa’s one of the candidates to baby-sit. He lives alone.       
      I feel I must tell at least my cousin what he did to me, but how? I know she loves her dad and I don't want to ruin her life.
      - Still Haunted

Record several of his phone calls. Then write an account of the incidents of abuse, especially any that have details that your cousin might remember, for example, if your uncle insisted on driving you somewhere, or created other opportunities to be alone.       
      You have some time to do this during the pregnancy and may need the help of a therapist, so that the memories don’t overwhelm you. This is an important and emotionally difficult task ahead and you need to be strong.
      When ready, and before any baby-sitting and grandfather involvement gets established, have a private meeting with your cousin, present the tape and written record (keep copies) and say you feel terrible having to do this but must do so to protect her child.     
      This obscene-caller may still be molesting other children. Police should be informed and given a copy of the phone tape.

My mother only helps us, my husband’s mother lives far away and only judges us. We initially lived with my parents (I was in an accident and had a baby). But my husband’s rudeness to my mother and sister caused us to move nearby.      
      Now he’ll still answer Mom back harshly and we end up fighting. I love him, but he can’t accept that my relationship with Mom will never change.
      - Torn in Two

You can be close to your Mom without disparaging his (especially since she’s not even around). Meanwhile, marriage and maturity are supposed to bring a visible shift in loyalty towards Hubby - he’s the one you’re supposed to confide in and look to for support, first.      
      He’s likely jealous, but his rudeness is childish and unacceptable. Say so. Explain that it’s pushing you away. Then, commit to improving your closeness with him, on condition he drops the destructive attention-getter.