I’m 51, she’s 39, dating two years; for the first 18 months, I kept things light while she patiently waited for my heart to thaw after divorce.      
      Recently, she accepted a new job 150 kilometers away.  Though we agreed to continue to see each other when possible, I’m painfully anticipating parting and confessed I love her.    
      She’s ambivalent. She said every significant relationship she had had involved an episode of infidelity. She’s asked for time to identify the reason for her behavior.      
      She’s an artist who’s “always made (herself) available to the possibility of emotional connections which nourish (her) art." I understand this, but she also knows that my wife, who commuted to another city, left me for a co-worker. She doesn’t want to repeat this history.       
      I have abandonment fears; it’s likely she has engulfment fears. I do believe that I need to accept the uncertainty that attends all romances. Yet I also feel no one need accept infidelity. What should I tell her?
      - At a Crossroads

The heart is a muscle that reacts with emotions, unlike the brain that makes excuses.    
      You’re dealing from the heart - loving her, though partly because you don’t want to be alone. Having her cheat on you would feel worse.      
      She’s thinking, more than loving, more accepting of “light” romance because the deeper stuff affects her preferred image as a free-spirited artist.     
      Give her the time she wants, but purposefully date others. If she misses you enough, she’ll either return or commit to long-distance fidelity. Just don’t sit home waiting.

My sister and I, both 20s, have never been close. She began dating a man whom no one in my family approved, he seemed a shady figure but we gave him a chance.       
      We later discovered he’d lied to her about his citizenship, age, family situation, workplace, etc. He was eventually deported, yet my sister remained in contact, although she told us otherwise.       
      During this time we became much closer. Then we discovered she’d visited him, became pregnant and married him. It felt like a total blow and our relationship disintegrated.    
      Today she lives with my parents paying little rent, with free babysitting and much more despite their own unstable financial situation. I only speak to her because there’s an innocent child involved and out of respect for my parents.     
      I worry that she’ll look to sponsor this man to emigrate here, taking advantage of all that my parents have given her and hurting my niece. I know that this man is using her, but she refuses to listen to anyone.     
      Do I just go my separate way and let her and my parents live in the mess she’s made?  Or is there a way to help her realize what’s going on?
      - Quietly Disgusted

Okay, your sister’s made mistakes. But it’s hard to understand why you take all this as a personal affront. Your parents are doing what parents do … looking after a grandchild, helping where it’s desperately needed.    
      If it’s their finances you’re worried about, or your sister’s well being, “going your own way,” won’t help any of that. That’s just escape.      
      But there ARE ways to be helpful, instead, and they start with casting your constant judgment aside. If you were closer to your sister, you could encourage her to improve her skills and look for a job so she can pay more rent, eventually become independent.      
      She’ll be far less vulnerable to this guy if she boosts her self-esteem and feels more support from you.

I haven't seen my daughters for 20 years. Recently, they blocked me from a social network (I’d sometimes look for any new pictures). They had to type in my name to do this. I’ve never paid child support and refuse to do so.
      Because of my ex, I don't even have access to a phone with them. A judge ordered her to give me phone access and for 15 years she paid for a separate phone line … with no phone plugged in (they live in another country). Is it time to finally give up?
      - Totally Fed Up

You gave up moral ground a long time ago when you self-righteously decided to withhold support money. I get it that your ex didn’t meet any of her obligations either, but that didn’t make your response right.      
      It gave her evidence to convince your daughters you didn’t care about them. Prove otherwise, every way possible.