I’m a woman in my 40s, working from home since the first pandemic lockdown. I miss many things that were once normal for me. I miss going out with my friends, going somewhere to dance and flirt, and I definitely miss having sex.
I’ve had several good past relationships - I’d married and divorced when much younger - but even before Covid, I wasn’t always searching for love.
Now, at this stage of life, I yearn to have a really good companion to be with, have sex with and maybe love, too. It’s the human connection of sex that I miss most.
But there’s no safe opportunity in the middle of a pandemic that’s more frightening, with so many virus variants besides COVID-19. For me, there’s no meeting online, it’s too risky.
Some of my similar-age friends who feel as I do are turning instead to their ex-boyfriends.
One woman who’s always looking for love is going through her list to see which past relationships she can revive. She feels so lonely during this lockdown that she’s taking that chance.
I also know through my online contacts that some younger women are suffering a lot of anxiety and grief about not being with other people.
One who’s 21 and back living at home after being away at University, has lost the friendships she’d made there and can’t see her hometown boyfriend either, because he’s an essential worker and her parents have health issues.
Another woman I know who’s also in her 20s had to stop working due to mental stress.
Will their generation miss out on finding love until the pandemic is officially declared over? Will women like me just have memories of relationships and lovers?
Missing Human Connection
Throughout the many difficulties of living through these unusual times, there’s been persistent questions being asked by singles about the quest for love and/or companionship.
Some people who’ve continued dating online have also moved toward meeting in person, only to be disappointed and hurt when they were “ghosted” after a few sexual encounters:
Example: “We got to know each other slowly, which gave me trust... We finally had great sex at my place. It happened twice more, still great. Later, he texted me that ‘it’s over.’”
He blocked her on all platforms. (March 26 column).
Determined daters still found new approaches. Last December, the US magazine The Atlantic reported a Singles in America (connected to Match.com) survey of 5,000 Americans. It found that “58 percent of people who use dating apps were seeking more intentional dating” during the pandemic. Among them, “69 percent reported being more honest with potential partners and 63 percent are spending more time getting to know them.”
With Canada’s Third Wave seeing mounting infection rates, hospital ICU beds at capacity, and virus variants affecting younger populations than before, focus on what’s immediately necessary: Vaccinations for every age group which scientists declare safe; essential restrictions of masks, social distancing, getting outdoors; and staying inside only with the people in your limited bubble of five people.
As for the younger generation of romance-seekers, time is on their side. They can take it slow getting acquainted online, and learn about a person’s interests and character before any in-person meeting.
For seasoned daters like yourself, use past experiences and current values to stall meetups. Better to be patient with a virtual buildup of trust than to rush physical contact and worry until you need testing for Covid or variant contact.
During this pandemic, many kids have spent more time online than their parents had considered “normal” or healthy.
I try to control my kids’ usage but have definitely become more lax. I also accept that it’s one of the only ways they can socialize with their friends.
But why must they be so LOUD? I’m constantly telling them to turn their volume and voice down.
Yes, yelling’s annoying. But you’re very aware that with schools closed, your kids have few ways to see their friends. They can’t converse during online schooling, so they connect through the game during free time. It’s competition that gets them excited (especially when there are no school sports).
So long as you put time limits on their game-play, it’s best for you to periodically go into another room to escape the noise.
As an alternative to games, after online-school’s finished, get your kids outside wherever there’s safe open space.
Tip of the day:
Rushing to find love has never been a wise approach and is far less safe now during the pandemic.