I’ve had a terrible hurtful lesson in trusting my best friend who turned on me. We were girlfriends living with our poor parents. We thought that working for, and living with, a rich family in a foreign country would pay us well and we’d be able to help our families.
We’d never seen such big houses! The six-day work week was hard and long, and the owner kept our passports, so we were stuck there. We decided to run away.
We made it to another country, living illegally. But we both got jobs with normal hours, higher pay and kinder employers. My friend had a bank account but I didn’t so I deposited my money with hers.
We were like sisters, shared the same friends, went to church together. I got a better-paying job so sent her parents money when she said she had none.
Then my friend got a boyfriend. She became cold and mean, told me to move out. I stayed out before and after work. I was so low I thought of the worst way out, then called a counselling line.
A kind voice told me that in a few months things would be better for me. I’d feel and be stronger. There’d be light ahead.
I’m so grateful. Seven months after the shock of my former friend’s cold-hearted nastiness, I’m earning well in a full-time job and rent my own apartment. My employer helped me get a lawyer to verify my passport and now I’m here legally. I have many friends.
It was a horrible lesson that even people with whom you’ve been closest can turn on you for selfish reasons.
I also learned to never give up. Now, in my 30s, I want other young people to know that even when you trust a friend completely, you must take care of your own life.
Learned the Hard Way
You’ve shared a very strong story of hurt, loss and rebuilding your life. I hope that readers in late teens and their 20s who often feel invincible as they seek adventure, learn that what matters most when you meet new people or rely on old ones, is trust.
Now that some travel options are opened up, other places and climates will always attract young people especially.
If you sense a growing rift with someone, make sure your own necessities are safe and intact: Your own passport, earnings/savings, bank account, and a fall-back plan if things change and you’re on your own.
I’m a work-from-home, hands-on dad. My wife works in an office and often has long hours. I do all the driving of kids to and from the opened-up programs like hockey, soccer etc.
I love my wife and mostly, I love my life except for others’ perceptions that I “don’t work,” or “have it easy.”
Actually, my job is substantial and I’m a good earner, yet I also sometimes feel I have to justify why I’m not “going to work” like many others still expect and seem to respect more.
How do I tell people that 2021 and the pandemic have shifted views of what’s a “normal” way to live and work? And how do I reconcile myself to not getting my back up when anyone says something otherwise about my “not really working?”
It’s your own affirmation that you must find. You’re productive in ways that matter greatly - participating as an involved father, loving husband, and contributing financially. Be proud of your work and life.
When I was 20 and dating a guy, 23, I was flattered that he wanted to be “exclusive.” I agreed, and he immediately introduced me to his parents, who were overjoyed.
I sensed that they wanted him to “settle down.” Meanwhile, I’d borrowed a book of his, and when I later opened it, I found several pornographic photos tucked between pages.
I told him that I found porn disgusting, and ended our relationship.
When some of your female readers write about a partner’s hours-long addiction to porn, I wonder why they stay together. Porn is an isolating habit, removes romance from relationships, and focuses instead on strangers’ bodies.
Addiction lives outside common sense. It takes hold and the person becomes both controlled by it, and the controller seeking more.
As with most addictions, therapy works best when the person is committed to it. Porn addiction is sometimes treated with hypnosis and medication as well as therapy.
Tip of the day:
Even close friends can change. Be responsible for yourself and keep important documents close.