Four years ago, I moved to another city to leave my previously stressful life. No one knew what I'd been going through, I’d been crying alone, and hoping that my live-in partner of six years would change. He didn’t.

I’d rented our house and owned most of the things in it. Working six days weekly, dealing with a person who threatened he was suicidal, and doing all the household work, wasn’t easy.

I finally said I needed some time for myself and took a job offer elsewhere. After two months, he asked for money because he was applying for a job so I sent money. I learned that he spent it without starting work. The same thing happened again. The third time, I stopped communicating with him.

He was taking advantage of me. I love him but I love myself too. He didn't commit suicide; he’d used that threat to get what he wanted.

I realize now that I’d been afraid I wouldn’t be able to find another man who’d love me. But I’m happy in my new life and new relationship.

Been There

Thanks for showing people who feel stuck in similar situations that self-preservation is also important when someone threatens to commit suicide if you leave them.

It’s a tough decision. And every person’s story has its own circumstances. It also matters whether the suicidal person has been diagnosed professionally, and whether medication or other treatments have been tried.

Hopefully, people will try to get the troubled person to some help, and/or information about emergency treatment and distress centres where they can reach out.

My brother married a woman who had a child from a high-school fling. Over the years, I’d expected my sister-in-law to send us Christmas cards, a birthday card to our kids, and phone us occasionally.

They never acknowledged our two disabled sons, even when I was sending the daughter gifts.

The daughter has had two babies within two years, each with a different father. We were invited to visit and, by the way, there’s a new baby… i.e. bring a gift. We did.

Money’s tight, my husband makes only half of what my brother and his wife have coming in. I’ve been diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and can no longer work.

Now we’re invited to the daughter’s wedding.

On the phone, I told my sister-in-law, “you know we can't make it there with our kids.”

She said she’d figured that and hinted about a gift, though I’d just explained that we’re barely making it. I don't want to give a gift; there’s no closeness with her. My brother’s complained that she’s a “money grabber.”

My husband says, since our boys won’t marry, “they’ll get off again with never having to give us anything.”

My friend suggests I send a wedding card saying, “Have a great time, but we can't afford anything at this time.”

No Closeness

You’ve been through a lot and feel hurt that your sister-in-law’s appeared so disinterested. However, your own brother could’ve shown more interest in your sons, but you choose to judge his wife and her daughter instead.

Despite their better income, it seems they’ve had their own family pressures to handle. So if you want to try to maintain some connection, sending a nice card of good wishes is a beginning.

The reality is that no small cash gift is likely to please this bride, and likely not her mother either. But an inexpensive gift is less of a negative statement than no gift.

FEEDBACK A different view regarding the woman who was jealous because her husband accepted a Facebook “friending” from his adult daughter's mother (June 5):

Reader – “Although old acquaintances who reconnect on Facebook are sometimes looking for more, a friend request is often just a friend request.

“Some people send a request to anyone they've spoken with for more than five minutes. Frequently I've received messages from people I knew long ago, and after a day or two of "what have you been doing for the last 20 years" I don't speak with them again.

“The writer doesn't know anything about this "other woman," but she does have 28 years of experience dealing with her husband. Although her feelings aren't “petty” and shouldn’t be dismissed, I’d say her reaction to this friend request has more to do with insecurities in her marriage and less to do with the child's mother.”