My friend's dating a guy she met online two months ago. He's frequently in touch with his ex, who had a three-year affair with him while she was married.

The guy says he has to stay in contact because he'd loaned her $80,000, which she still owes. When they were involved, she'd say she'd soon leave her husband, or that he left, but they're still married. We've Googled him and discovered that he's a scammer who's been in trouble with the law. My friend thinks her boyfriend should cut ties with his ex because she doesn't trust that they won't resume their affair. What should I advise her?

Suspicious

I advise you to skip your friend's drama recital, and instead, urge her to leave this messy scene. She hardly knows the guy, but she already knows too much about a couple with whom he's still entangled. The wife's a scammer as much as her husband - the "affair" may even be one of several schemes on which that couple lives.

She should run from this man - far and fast. Or she may find herself a target of these experienced fraudsters. At the very least, she'll be upset and suspicious every time the woman's name or the topic of the loan comes up. The money's gone, and she should be, too.

My in-laws are actually good people. My husband's two brothers married women who'd been friends beforehand. They get along with my mother-in-law like peaches and pie. They've also all welcomed my daughter (from my previous relationship) as their own.

However, my MIL goes on about my SIL's - how successful, thin, beautiful, thin, kind, etc. I'm average-sized, not thin. I shut down because she's never complimented me. I have two degrees, a successful career, I'm considered smart, beautiful. But she only praises the job I've done with my daughter.

At our recent wedding, my MIL never hugged, congratulated or complimented me. She left early (she felt ill, has a stomach condition). My father-in-law, brothers-in law and their wives went to drink in their room. They later returned and made the dance fun, but it hurt that they'd left.

My MIL's not intrusive or overly demanding - and she helped us get the house that we own. But I feel she either disapproved of the wedding venue, the decor, my dress...Perhaps she even disapproves of our marriage?

I moved to be with my husband, and being without my own family's tough. I don't have much in common with these women. I'm also quite intimidated.

I just wish she'd see the good things in me. A verbal appreciation would mean the world. I'm angry and disappointed in my wedding.

Hurt

Where are those career smarts of yours when it comes to your emotions? Get out your checklists: Pro: a non-intrusive, undemanding MIL who helps you buy a home and loves your child. Con: A woman closer to others with whom you don't have much in common. A woman who praises you as a mother, but not as a "thin beauty." (Perhaps she praises you to others.)

Conclusion: You're overwhelmed by your own insecurities. Ask your husband to tell his mom that you dearly want some encouragement from her. She likely either doesn't know you that well yet, or interpreted your "shutting down" as rejection of her!

You expected the wedding to create closeness you've not extended yourself. Get a grip, appreciate these people for their good qualities, and enjoy your very fortunate life.

My new boyfriend and I have been intimate after dating several weeks, but his sexual tastes are unusual. Though we're both in our 40s and had previous relationships, he refuses to have intercourse with me, and refuses oral sex, either for him or for me.

He only likes to pleasure me through stroking, and likes to watch while he's doing it. It's fine that I'm not left frustrated, but I don't understand why he's so specific about what he'll do and not do. He won't discuss it with me, just says this is how he is.

Confused

Pardon my being a stickler for knowing the person you sleep with, but after a few weeks it's hard to tell which of these choices apply: 1) He's got sexual hang-ups. 2) He's afraid of getting an STD from you, but won't say so. 3) He has his own STD's but won't confess.

Insist on answers.