I’m 21, in a relationship for four years. He’s nice and all. But I recently travelled with my family and sadly, had a moment of weakness and, well, hooked up with someone.

I’ve been miserable since, deservedly so. I’ve been trying to tell my boyfriend, but I get so nervous and chicken out.

I know he’ll probably dump me.

I hope that he’ll give me another shot. How do I approach this situation?

Nervous Chicken

Just tell him. You’re stalling, telling yourself how sorry you are, but not telling him.

Speak up, and be clear: You messed up, regret it, you feel terribly about having cheated.

If he believes you, there may be a second chance. If so, look closer at this relationship.

Is this just a familiar, comfortable place with a “nice” guy? Was your cheating a sign that you need to take a break and assess your real feelings? Be fair to both of you, and think it through.

My mother died 18 months ago. She’d been separated from my father for 35 years and her partner of 20 years died six months prior to her death.

Of my parents’ children, her eldest son hadn’t been in contact with her for 30 years. The second son reconnected via telephone (following a 20-year absence) two years prior to her death as he was having his own personal problems.

The third child, a daughter, left the country for six years with little or no contact.

Mum bailed her out financially and brought her back 11 months before she died.

My younger brother and I cared for Mum and her partner, and had loving relationships with them both.

I provided palliative care for Mum, who died as per her wishes in my home.

She made a very specific will, and was competent.

She left her home and her estate to my brother and $10,000 to the second son and my sister.

It was a modest estate with no cash in the bank. My brother and I, as executors, provided the $10,000 to our two siblings, out of our portion of the estate.

Now, they’re demanding “their fair share of the estate,” throwing around figures that they believe we received and demanding more money from us.

I feel sickened by their reducing Mum to a monetary value.

I want to cut contact with these siblings. How do I (we) proceed from here? Am I wrong to feel this way?

Will Drama

Proceed to your lawyer, and make sure that the exact wording of the will regarding these two, and the amount of the estate in total, including available cash for their bequest, is made clear to them.

Once you’ve done everything possible on the legal front, to assure they were dealt with absolutely correctly, stand back from the will drama, and consider the relationships.

Everyone grieves in their own way, related to their own circumstances and relationship with the person’s who died. Both siblings had periods of distance, even estrangement from their mother.

Their loss of her would trigger many emotions from the past, including regret that they weren’t closer, blame as to why, hurt as to loss of chance to change any of that. Likely, there’s also jealousy of your relationship with your Mum.

Understanding this may help you back off your immediate reaction to their bid for more money.

Since your prior contact was probably not that great, it may not be necessary or wise to cut contact completely.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman’s near-sexless marriage, the husband’s possibly gay and not ready to say so (April 30):

Reader – “I know of a couple who had two adult children, had sex rarely and weren’t physically close.

“He didn’t want to shame his parents so he stayed in the marriage for 30 years, coming out only after his parents died.

“It was an awful blow to his wife. She was very bitter and felt totally cheated out of a normal, loving relationship she could’ve had with another man.

“After several years single, she’s now found love again.”

Ellie – Let’s hope that there’s been enough attitude change in our society – and that more happens in other places – that someone’s sexuality is not a matter of “shame” but a reality that once acknowledged, cannot be denied. It’s damaging to both husband and wife, and their children too, if a gay parent stays repressed and fearing “shame.”