My ex cheated on me. A few years have passed and he’s moved away. I do miss him dearly but I'd never reach out to him because it ended on such bad terms, in many ways he was a jerk.
Yet I do wish I could reach out to him... we had such a connection. I sometimes want to email or call him, but then I stop and think, what good will it do? Or what if he doesn't reply and is a jerk?
Is there ever a good reason to reach out to a past-ex? Can it do any good? How does one resolve old feelings?
There’s no good reason to reach out to this man. He hurt you, is no longer around, and hasn’t contacted you. The old “connection” is no longer there, period.
Reaching out cannot do you any good. It prolongs your low self-esteem when it comes to this man. When you’re low, or lonely, you think you miss him even though he betrayed you, and despite that you know if you do contact him, he can be a jerk to you or just not reply which will plunge your confidence even lower.
The way to resolve these old feelings about him, is to focus on your feelings about yourself. You want better than this guy.
Focus on being with people - friends, family, whomever makes you feel good about yourself. Join a group doing something that interests you. Make new connections, and move on.
My husband and I have recently taken to travelling and every time I tell my daughter about it, I get comments like, "You should be saving for your retirement or putting money aside to go towards your grandchildren’s education."
When I say that I haven't been saving for retirement, she warns that we’re not going to be living with her later on.
After this next big trip, we’re pretty much done with travelling, other than some small trips in the future.
Are grandparents expected to put money aside for their grandchildren’s education?
I’ll start with the basics: It’s the parents who are legally responsible for their children’s education to whatever age the jurisdiction demands. After that, paying for higher education depends on parents’ sense of responsibility and interest, their finances, and the student’s ability to work and get student loans.
That said, if grandparents can afford to contribute and want to, as many do in our expensive world, it certainly boosts the possibilities for getting a college and/or university education, and post-graduate studies.
However, grandparents also have a duty to themselves, to not end up having to rely on others financially, for as long as possible. Especially if they’re aware of judgmental attitudes and resentments that suggest they’d be left to their own resources even if meager.
Your daughter’s message does mean it’s time to take stock of how you and your husband will manage your retirement.
Then, if you can afford it, look at the particular circumstances your grandchildren face, and discuss privately whether you want to contribute to their future goals. You’re main role remains, to love and encourage them however possible.
There are education funds supported by government, or you can set up a special bank account, earmarked to help them out when needed.
If you decide you must conserve all your money for retirement, you could then consider leaving the grandchildren specific amounts in your will, and, if the estate is small, bypass their parents.
I’m 66; my wife passed away last year. The husband in a couple we’ve known through church for years, died weeks after my wife. Due to the health circumstances of our loved ones, we’d both grieved during their final years.
We started a strong friendship one month after their passing. For me, it’s become a love affair, but she has reservations on committing.
I wear my heart on my sleeve while she’s extremely reserved due to her past relationships. Will time change her mind or am I wasting my time?
It’s not a waste to be with someone you enjoy, and have common interests. Time will tell you what you can handle emotionally.
Don’t pressure her. Listen when she explains her reservations and show respect for those feelings. She may not be able to change them after so long, or you might recommend that she talk to a faith counselor or other therapist about it.
Tip of the day:
Grandparents’ main role is to be encouraging, not just a financial support.