Three of my friends and I decided to stay in our university town for the summer and work. There were a lot of job opportunities because all the young people move away for the summer. We found a house, which is perfect for the school year, and made our summer plans.

There was one extra room, so we put out a listing for a fifth roommate. In May, this girl who’s a year older than us was looking as she was staying to do research for the summer. We met with her, she seemed nice, so we invited her to move in.

We agreed on some very basic house rules at the start: everyone locks their rooms so no one can accuse anyone (or their friends) of stealing anything if something goes missing; never leave dishes in the sink – wash them right away or put in the dishwasher; if the dishwasher is full or smelly, turn it on; if it’s done and you’re home, empty it. We also divided up the two fridges so each person gets a full shelf to themselves, and the two bathrooms so everyone gets their own sink (except me and my friend, but we’re OK with that).

It’s been three months and we can’t live with this person. She NEVER cleans the bathroom, even her own sink. It’s disgusting, filled with dried toothpaste and loose hair. And her stuff is all over the shared counter. She can’t seem to understand which shelf is hers in the fridge and puts her stuff everywhere AND helps herself to everyone else’s food! She leaves her dishes in the dishwasher, always with an excuse that she was just running out or forgot. And she never locks her room, in fact, leaves her door wide open. Luckily, she hasn’t accused anyone of taking anything, but she’s driving us crazy.

How do we get her out?

Roommate Issues

I would start by having a house meeting. It’s a good time since school is starting back up, and all your schedules will be changing. Talk about what’s working, what’s not, and how to make changes. Even if the rest of you are totally happy, have one or two mention something small so this other woman doesn’t feel picked on.

Also, look at your lease. What did she sign on for? If it’s a year, then you’re stuck with her if she’s happy to stay. If it’s month-to-month, you could talk to your landlord. Much will depend on how she’s feeling in the house, how she reacts to your meeting, and the laws in your jurisdiction. Good luck!

My ex-wife cheated on me, even though fidelity and loyalty were HUGE issues for her. Her first husband and father of her children cheated on her and it broke up their marriage, their family and her soul. It was a crazy flip when she did to me what he did to her. I was disgusted and livid. Our divorce was swift and clean.

Now I have heard through the rumour mill that she is telling everyone that I cheated on her, which is an absolute lie. Why would she start this ugly gossip three years later?

Liar

Your ex needs therapy to help her deal with the betrayal and hurt from her first marriage. Cheating on you proves that she wasn’t over what her first husband did.

Since you sound strong and have moved past that relationship, you could invite her for coffee and ask her what she’s doing and why. It sounds as though you have proof that she cheated, so this is a sign of her need for attention. Find out why, if you care, and suggest she get help. Or just ignore her. Those who know and love you know the truth.

FEEDBACK Regarding nursing home enforcement (April 8; June 10):

Reader – “I agree these decisions are often difficult. I’ve met many people who have said they’ll ‘never place a parent in such a place.’  However, caregiver burnout is very real. Then who’s available to care for the elderly person?

“My suggested approach is to be involved and informed. I had daily telephone calls with my mother and visited weekly, plus took her to all her doctor appointments.  My brothers also called frequently and visited weekly. Plus, many family and friends called and visited often. The facility offered many activities to help keep their residents occupied and involved. I was jealous of the quality and quantity of the food/meals my mother was being fed.

“If and when any concerns were mentioned I was IMMEDIATELY contacting management to address.  My mother always felt that her children were there for her until the very end.”