I found out my boyfriend had been talking sexually to other women through MSN for the first ten months of our two-year relationship.

He feels really awful about what he's done and I know he's truly sorry for doing it. On my request, he's deleted anyone he ever talked to like that from his contacts.

I still love him and still want to be with him, but I've been having a hard time with fully trusting him again. I trust him a lot more than I did when I first found out, but I want to be able to fully trust him again and not have to continuously feel like I have to ask him what he was doing or who he was talking to.

I know he will not hurt me like that again. He wants me to trust him again, but we've been unable to think of anything to help this trust. Any suggestions?

Trying to Trust

It takes time, consistency, and your own maturity to stop thinking about someone's past mistake... and the maturity part is up to you.

He kept up his sex-ting during the early part of your relationship.... then apparently stopped as you two continued together, and formed a deeper bond. That's evidence that he grew and matured as a partner. Now, he's cut all possible contact. And he's still worrying about how to regain your trust.

All the signs say he's a good guy who won't repeat his former behaviour.

But if you keep distrusting, checking, wondering, you'll push him away. Go with your heart, shuck off your insecurity, trust the guy, and put this way behind you.

FEEDBACK Regarding the father who insisted on bringing his partner (for whom he'd left his ex-wife) to his son's wedding (Sept, 21 column):

Reader - "I understand, of course, that the father of the groom has "the right" to take his longtime partner to his son's wedding. But I feel that the partner could show some kindness and decline the invitation.

"My close friend's husband left her years ago for his secretary who'd pursued him. She moved home to British Columbia from Quebec City with their young sons. The boys visited their father and his partner at their cottage for several weeks every summer.

"Then the father wanted shorter visits. The eldest son was allergic to cats, and had to choose between not seeing his father and spending the visit drugged with antihistamines, because the partner wouldn't be separated from her cats. She had no interest in, or affection for, the boys.

"When the eldest son was entering university, the father made him choose between a short visit each summer or help with tuition fees. He hasn't seen that son in about 16 years.

"The younger son was very attached to his father and suffered terribly. When he got married three years ago, he was hoping his father would attend the wedding. His father refused to go without his partner, and since she was unable to attend, he didn't either.

"Wouldn't it have been generous of his partner, the "winner" of this booby prize, to convince him to attend his son's wedding alone, and make the day perfect for his son, and bearable for his ex?"

Just Saying...

Like you said, this father was the "booby prize".... he never cared enough to maintain a strong tie to his sons. It was sadly unrealistic for anyone to think he'd suddenly show compassion for his ex and his son, and attend alone.

A college student who lives not far from me was harassing me nonstop. I told him to back off but his mother defends him and chews me out rather than have him accept any responsibility.

Then his father yells at me saying I should know better than to mess with his son.

I did nothing to start this and this guy hasn't stopped harassing my friends or me. He's even harassed my boyfriend. Everyone refuses to help me or call the police. Instead, they blame me. What can I do to get these people off my back?

Harassed

Document the incidents, and have one of your friends take some cell-phone photos of the scene (only if possible to do safely). Then go to the police yourself. Bring witnesses along.

Also, if your own parents are around and aware of this, have them accompany you to see the police and back you up.